IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe that employment over the age of 60 is not right and creates lots of problems. So people should retire after 60 and not work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #employment #age #right #lots #work
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a few
people
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thinks
Change the verb form
think
show examples
 that
hiering
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hiring
hearing
people
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 over the
age
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 of 60 can be
proplematic
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problematic
 and
this
Linking Words
 should be faced by forcing
people
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 over that
age
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 to retire in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 really support
this
Linking Words
 point of view for many reasons like having in mind that
people
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 over 60 have
alot
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a lot
 of obligations and considering the element of
experince
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experience
 these
people
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 have there is
ageneral
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a general
general
 agreement that
people
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 over the
age
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 of 60 are in danger of making errors in their
work
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 due to their
age
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 ,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
 these
people
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 are
hieghlly
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highly
valeuble
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valuable
 for many sectors because of the many years of
experince
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experience
 in
thier
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their
the
work
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 balance and to demonstrate my point of view
Linking Words
further more
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furthermore
show examples
i
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I
show examples
 will come to mention a
veriety
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variety
 of
jobs
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 that
spesifficlly
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specifically
requiers
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requires
experinced
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experienced
 workers like being a legal advisor or being a university teacher,
therefore
Linking Words
people
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 over the
age
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 of 60 should be allowed to apply to
these kind
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this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
jobs
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 because they are
hieghlly
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highly
 wanted. another angle of
this
Linking Words
 debate suggests that
,
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apply
show examples
 there are some
jobs
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 that
requires
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require
show examples
physicall
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physical
work
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 or heigh
foucusing
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focusing
 abilities which means that
people
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 over the
age
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 of 60 cannot do these
jobs
Use synonyms
 and for a certain extent they are
rieght
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right
 but
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
dont
Correct your spelling
don't
 that
this
Linking Words
 must be the case for
every one
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everyone
show examples
Add the comma(s)
, therefore,
show examples
therefore
Linking Words
 forcing retirement is
injust
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unjust
show examples
 to these
people
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 as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 have discussed there is advantages and disadvantages for the case of allowing
people
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 over the
age
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 of 60 to
work
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however
Linking Words
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that they should be allowed to
work
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 no matter what
age
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 they are. retirement should always be a choice so if old
people
Use synonyms
 are treated right the whole
socity
Correct your spelling
society
 will be strong and a sense of justice will be within every
perons
Correct your spelling
persons
person
person's
 mind
Submitted by lana.a.amro on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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