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Band 3.5

Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health. Do you agree or disagree?

#doctors #patients #health
Generally,
health
 is the most
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
 thing in life. The healthier life you are the happier life you have. Some experts suggest that
doctors
 should take
responsible
Replace the word
responsibility
show examples
 for educating their
patients
 to develop their
health
. Personally, I totally agree with
this
 statement.
This
 essay will demonstrate some reasons to support my idea.
First
 of all, physicians have more accurate information than
patients
. They can advise which exercise can bring the appropriate benefits for the patient's
health
 condition.
Moreover
,
doctors
 can help their
patients
 control their diet by recommending
type
Add an article
a type
the type
show examples
 of food they should consume or avoid. Using
doctors
'
Correct your spelling
advice
advices
Change the wording
advice
pieces of advice
bits of advice
show examples
 will lead to the development of
patient's
Correct article usage
the patient's
show examples
health
.
Secondly
, educating
patients
 about appropriate fitness will help them
aware
Add a missing verb
be aware
show examples
 of their
health
.
Therefore
,
doctors
 can save their time in curing them because not only the rate of
being hospitalize
Change the verb form
being hospitalized
show examples
but
also
 the rate of death will reduce
gradully
Correct your spelling
gradually
.
For example
,
patient
Add an article
a patient
the patient
show examples
 who aware of their
health
 tends to quit bad habits
such
 as smoking or drinking alcohol which is one of the main factors that lead to several ailments. In conclusion,
doctors
pay
Correct your spelling
play
show examples
 the most important role in developing their
patients
Change to a genitive case
patient's
patients'
show examples
health
 education. It can be implied that without physicians' advice, there will be numerous
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cases in
hospital
Correct article usage
the hospital
show examples
.
Submitted by Varaiphand on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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