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Band 5

Many people believe that the high levels of violence in films today are causing serious social problems. ​ What are these problems and how could they be reduced? ​

#people #levels #violence #films
A lot of people argue that
the
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apply
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modern films have
elevated
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an elevated
show examples
 level of cruelty which is
the
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apply
show examples
one of the significant
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 social
issues
. There are a few arrangements to solution to these problems and it
crucial
Add a missing verb
is crucial
show examples
of
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for
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government’s
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the government’s
show examples
 help and parent’s observation. There are a
lot
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oflot
show examples
 violent
scenes
 in
movies
, so it has negative consequences for society.
First
 of all, it has the issue of impact on
children
 psychology.
Children
 that have touchy and guiltless simple be influenced by films substance than other individuals. They are 
simple
Replace the word
simply
show examples
 pulled in by great activity
scenes
 counting a few exercises of battling, catching or indeed slaughtering individuals.
This
 will makes
children
 can’t recognize the dangerous 
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
 in 
movies
 are wrong.
Moreover
, the rough 
scenes
 make
children
 more wicked, carry on severely with their companions and some of the
children
 do not obey
parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
show examples
. They tend to create
Add an article
a companion
show examples
companion
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companions
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 with terrible companions and be baited to illicit exercises 
such
 as attack or kill. It can
be clarify
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be clarified
show examples
 by the expanding 
of
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apply
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criminal
Add an article
the criminal
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 rate of the youth. These 
issues
 might be handled by numerous measures.
Firstly
, parents ought to spend more time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
 watching and limiting their
children
 from watching
such
 terrible materials. They 
moreover
 have to require their
children
 to play
sport
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sports
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 games and to take an interest in extracurricular exercises.
In addition
, the government ought to censor all
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of 
movies
 discharged to the open. The savage 
scenes
 ought to be disposed of from the superhero motion pictures in arrange to
children
 may observe without any uneasiness of their guardians. To conclude, the 
increasing
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increase
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 of aggressive 
movies
 reach disturbing rate, causing numerous aggravating
issues
 to our society. In any case, these
issues
 may well be illuminated by
affiliation
Correct article usage
the affiliation
show examples
 of grown-ups and specialists in psychology.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • desensitization
  • empathy
  • aggressive behaviors
  • imitation
  • antisocial behavior
  • normalization
  • climate of fear
  • perceptions
  • mental health
  • aggression
  • emotional regulation
  • trauma-related symptoms
  • age ratings
  • critical viewing skills
  • nonviolent entertainment
  • film industry
  • regulate
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