IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
It is said that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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elderly people may have conservative opinions about
society
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, and people think that it
is disturbing
Wrong verb form
disturbs
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 the thoughts of the younger. I partially agree with that statement. The old
generation
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 voted for the most conservative political party.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 it does not influence the vote of the new
generation
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.
Body paragraph 1
The seniors are
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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general
Punctuation problem
general,
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 more traditional than the
other part
Check wording
rest
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 of
the
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apply
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society
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. They would like to leave the same way that they are doing right now. They do not like new things, especially the change in
society
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.
Due to
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 these things, we can notice that the vote of the older adults tends to be traditional. In France, in 2017, the population over 60 voted majoritarily for Macron
who
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, who
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 is more traditional.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 we do not see them voting for the extreme political party because they do not want change.
Body paragraph 2
The seniors are conservative
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 the younger
generation
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do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
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 not let them influence their purposes. Even if the older adults are introducing a negative vision of the new
society
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, the younger
generation
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 stays strong and has
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its
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 own opinion. We can see
this
Linking Words
 through the same vote
of
Change preposition
in
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 2017 in France. In comparison with the elderly people, the young are more extreme.
This
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 extreme tendency in the young
generation
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 shows that they want change and they want to move on. The centrist party do not attract them.
Conclusion
To conclude
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, I agree to some extent with that statement. I think that the seniors are traditional
but
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, but
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 I do not think that they can manipulate the new generations.

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task response
Make your main view clearer. You partly agree, but explain more clearly which old ideas can harm young people and which old ideas can still help them.
task response
Answer the full question about how young people live, think, and behave. Your essay mainly talks about voting, so it does not cover the topic widely enough.
task response
Use more than one clear example. You could write about work, family life, school, technology, or men and women at home.
task response
Check facts in examples. The France example is not clear enough, and the link between a party and being traditional needs more support.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first line of each body part state the main point more directly.
coherence and cohesion
Link each example back to your main idea. After the France example, say clearly how it shows that old views do or do not prepare young people for modern life.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the contrast between your two points, such as “However”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “On the other hand”.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same voting example in both body parts. Give each paragraph a different point so the essay moves forward.
task response
You give a clear partly agree view in the introduction and repeat it in the ending.
task response
You try to use a real example to support your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You show a useful contrast: older people may hold traditional views, while younger people can still form their own views.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traditional ideas
  • Modern life
  • Younger generations
  • Stability
  • Guidance
  • Foundation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Rigid gender roles
  • Resistance to new technologies
  • Adaptability
  • Innovative solutions
  • Respecting elders
  • Maintaining family bonds
  • Stifle progress
  • Fusion of ideas
  • Outdated values
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