The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

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Introduction

It is said that elderly people may have conservative opinions about society, and people think that it disturbs the thoughts of the younger generation. I partially agree with that statement. The old bracket voted for the most conservative political party.

However

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, it does not influence the vote of the new cohort.

Body paragraph 1

The seniors are , in general, more traditional than the rest of society. They would like to leave the same way that they are doing right now. They do not like new things, especially the change in public.

Due to

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these things, we can notice that the vote of the older adults tends to be traditional.

For example

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, in France, in 2017, the population over 60 voted majoritarily for Macron , who is more traditional.

Nevertheless

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, we do not see them voting for the extreme political party because they do not want change.

Body paragraph 2

The seniors are conservative , but the younger cohort does not let them influence their purposes. Even if the older adults are introducing a negative vision of the new society, the younger generation stays strong and has its own opinion. We can see

this

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through the same vote in 2017 in France.

For instance

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, in comparison with the elderly people, the young are more extreme.

This

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extreme tendency in the young generation shows that they want change and they want to move on. The centrist party do not attract them.

Conclusion

To conclude

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, I agree to some extent with that statement. I think that the seniors are traditional , but I do not think that they can manipulate the new generations.

santos_dij

Jun 3, 2023

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task response

Your view is clear: you partly agree. However, the answer moves away from the main question. The question asks if old ideas help young people live in the modern world, but most of your essay is about voting. Explain more clearly how old ideas may help or harm young people at work, in family life, and in a fast-changing world.

task response

Develop both sides of your view. For example, old people can teach respect, hard work, and care for family. But some old ideas about women, jobs, or new ways of life may stop young people from making their own choices.

task response

Use examples that directly show modern life. The France vote example is not fully explained, and it does not clearly prove that traditional ideas affect young people. A simple example about a young person choosing a job or using new technology would fit better.

coherence and cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion. This makes it easy to follow. Keep this plan in future essays.

coherence and cohesion

Make the link between each paragraph and your main view stronger. The first body paragraph should explain why traditional ideas may not help young people. The second should explain why young people may still choose their own path.

coherence and cohesion

Some ideas repeat, such as old people being traditional and young people wanting change. Add new reasons and explain each reason in more detail instead of saying the same point again.

coherence and cohesion

Use linking words more carefully. Words like 'however', 'for example', and 'therefore' can help, but make sure the next sentence really follows from the one before it.

task response

You give a direct answer from the start and keep the same view in the conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

The essay is well organised into clear paragraphs, with an introduction and a conclusion.

coherence and cohesion

You try to use an example to support your ideas, which is a good habit.

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7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 9.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

264 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

Traditional ideas
Modern life
Younger generations
Stability
Guidance
Foundation
Cultural heritage
Rigid gender roles
Resistance to new technologies
Adaptability
Innovative solutions
Respecting elders
Maintaining family bonds
Stifle progress
Fusion of ideas
Outdated values

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