IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The older generations tend to have very traditional ideas about how people should live, think and behave. However, some people believe that these ideas are not helpful in preparing younger generations for modern life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this view?

Nowadays, every one can hear that ancient generations are too conservative and what young people are supposed to live or act like. I largely concur with
this
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 fact that the ideas are not really applicable to the present day life, though some of them can be applied in certain cases.
To begin
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 with, the ideas of older generations are usually associated with the world that does not exist anymore. To illustrate, they are of the opinion that youth should get married at a tender age or pursue the same career throughout their entire life.
Nonetheless
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, the contemporary world is evolving at a rapid rate and society and technology are evolving, making young people to be flexible. When they adhere to the same regulations like previously, they would be denied numerous opportunities of developing or travelling or learning overseas. As an example, my grandmother continues to believe that working at home is an act of laziness
although
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 it has become a norm in most countries.
Nevertheless
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, not everything
that is
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 traditional is bad. Others of them preach respect and discipline that are still relevant in the present day society. As an example, traditional generations were taught to be helpful and to take care of their relatives, that fact could enable the youth to develop better values. In contemporary society, there are a lot of individualistic people and traditional values may serve to counter it.
To conclude
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, I think that the majority of traditional concepts are no longer useful as the world has changed significantly. We can
however
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 still bring out some good lessons out of them
such
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 as respect and hard work as long as we apply them to our time.

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task response
Be clear about your main view in the first paragraph and keep it simple as you go on.
coherence
Break long ideas into short sentences and use simple link words like and, but, so, also, then to help flow.
content
Use more exact examples and show why they prove your point.
grammar
Check grammar: make verb and noun fit, fix plurals and tense.
structure
Use one idea per paragraph with a clear topic sentence for each.
content
You show a clear view and a good balance of ideas, with some good points.
coherence
Link words help show order in your writing.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Traditional ideas
  • Modern life
  • Younger generations
  • Stability
  • Guidance
  • Foundation
  • Cultural heritage
  • Rigid gender roles
  • Resistance to new technologies
  • Adaptability
  • Innovative solutions
  • Respecting elders
  • Maintaining family bonds
  • Stifle progress
  • Fusion of ideas
  • Outdated values
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