IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The government should control the amount of violence in films and on television in order to decrease the level of violent crime in the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#government #control #amount #violence #films #television #decrease #level #crime #society
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In our ever-changing world, it is argued by a group of people that the government should reduce the frequency of
violation
Fix the agreement mistake
violations
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 on
television
Use synonyms
 and shows to limit the crime rate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society these days. From my perspective, I totally agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement in terms of preventing imitation and cynicism and
this
Linking Words
 essay will analyze the rationale for my viewpoint. To commence, it is unequivocal that
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
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, especially children and juveniles, are vulnerable to have the awareness negatively affected by
television
Use synonyms
 programmes
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 contain brutality.
As a result
Linking Words
 of being immature, teenagers are likely to be unable to justify whether the violent actions broadcasted on
television
Use synonyms
 are legal or not,
hence
Linking Words
 having
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
misled conceptions of these scenes. Thereby, there is
very
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every
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likelihood
Replace the word
likely
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 that they might imitate these violent actions in real life without hesitation. Taking martial arts movies as an example, watching these films
in
Change preposition
at
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 an early age might make teenagers assume that violence symbolizes power,
thus
Linking Words
 they might try to implement these fighting scenes in real lives. As a consequence,
this
Linking Words
 could cause harmful influence as well as injuries on not only themselves but
also
Linking Words
 their neighbours, leading to the increase in the wrongdoing and the instability in the society. Regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
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the cynicism term, the repeated exposure of bloodshed on
television
Use synonyms
 on a regular basis might cause the public's familiarity with cruelty.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is undoubted that people are likely to stay numb and cynical when witnessing a violent incident in real life since they have come across these fierce actions a lot on social media.
For instance
Linking Words
, when a clash breaks out, people watching too much violent serial oftentimes tend to stay out of the fight and observe it
Correct your spelling
instead
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in stead
Correct your spelling
instead
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 of preventing it. We can effortlessly come up with the fact that a gradual decrease in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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empathy and kindness in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society might ensue. In conclusion, the brutal scenes have their own undeniable drawbacks so that the government ought to take appropriate measures to gain dominant control over the
Correct your spelling
widespread
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wide spread
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widespread
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 of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Submitted by Phuong Anh on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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