The education you receive from your family is more important than the education you receive from school. To what extent do you agree with this statement and why?

It is obvious parents play a very important role in
children
's development. They are not only the caregivers
,
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apply

The comma before the conjunction but also appears to be unnecessary. Consider removing it.

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but
also
are the
first
and lifelong teachers that give individuals valuable lessons in life. Some people advocate the idea that the family's education is enough, and that homeschooling should be encouraged,
however
, I strongly believe there are benefits
ones
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one

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can only gain while
they
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one

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are at school.
Firstly
,
children
can learn lots of social skills when they interact with peers and teachers at schools. Classmates and friends are those who are at the same age or around the
children
's age, so they can exchange the things they know from their individual worlds by the language at the levels of theirs. Peers can
also
scaffold individuals and aid them
learn
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to learn

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better, as
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a scientist

The noun phrase scientist seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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scientist
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scientists

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have
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has

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proven. Relationship formation and problems solving or team-working are absolutely valueless lessons
ones
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one

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might be able to learn when he or she is part of a group, which might not be possible to learn when they are at home.
Secondly
, schools provide a variety of subjects and
extra-curriculars
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extra-curricular

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that family members alone might not be able to teach. Ranging from commonly seen classes
such
as dancing, singing, sports to some newly established subjects
such
as robotics, debate clubs, etc. students are given opportunities to not only learn but
also
join
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the competition

The noun phrase competition seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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competition
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competitions

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and enhance their skills.
This
benefits the
children
in a way that they can potentially figure out their strengths and nourish them, whereas parents or other family members might not discover them or could not have time and proper education due to their business, hectic schedule or generation gap.
Therefore
, in conclusion,
although
family
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the family

The noun phrase family seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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is a very good environment to learn and grow safely, I would always support the benefits schools offer beyond the comfort zone of home-based education alone.
Submitted by phucngo.291092 on

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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