In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Children
are always taught by the adults in some tradition that there
that there
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apply

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is nothing cannot achieve when they are working hard enough.
Children
can learn about healthy competition, having perseverance and gaining independence from
hard working
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hard-working

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but there are
also
drawbacks to be taken into accounts. On the
one
hand, there are
numbers
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number

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of advantages of pushing
children
to achieve everything by putting
reasonable
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in reasonable

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effort.
Firstly
,
one
benefit is that
children
can learn about having healthy competition. It teaches them about the real competitive world outside as they realise early that they need to try hard enough to gain any accomplishment.
Secondly
, teaching them to put
in
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inappropriate

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appropriate
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the appropriate

The noun phrase appropriate effort seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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effort is an advantage because
this
is their
first
step to learn about having perseverance. They can learn to be patient and keep the work done in order to reach the target.
Thirdly
, Working hard teaches them responsibility and independence.
This
skill can help
children
to become
a
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an

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adult who is ready to enter the society.
On the other hand
,
one
problem with forcing them to get their goal by trying hard enough leads to the gap between guardians and
children
because
children
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tend

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tent
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tend

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to hide
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from

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form
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from

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them when they couldn’t
success
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succeed

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in their
life
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lives

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as parents are blaming them for not paying enough attention to the goal.
Other
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Another

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possible issue is that
children
can get trauma and lost
self-confident
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self-confidence

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when they are not
success
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successful

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as
other
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others

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even though they eventually are trying their best.
For instance
, while a slow learner studies 8hours daily, the talented student only gives 2 hours of his/her time for studying but the slow learner still cannot compete
the
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with the

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talented
one
. In that kind of situation, they can suffer depression and lost
self-confident
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self-confidence

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as they cannot make well
as
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with

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others. In conclusion, while
children
can benefit from telling them that working hard can fulfil everything they desired, it can
also
lead to
gap
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a gap

The noun phrase gap seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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between family or losing
self-confident
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self-confidence

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.
Submitted by ms.hayhman on

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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