IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many developing countries, there is an increased movement of workers from rural areas in to cities. Why do you think this happens? What problems can this cause?

It is not a secret that the countryside is dying. Many workers move from villages to cities,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
 has many reasons and many problems
are connected
Verb problem
associated with it
show examples
. I am inclined to believe it depends on many factors
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 some of them are crucial. Nowadays, many qualified workers have to move from the countryside to more developed places
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as the city
Linking Words
due
Punctuation problem
, due
show examples
 to the absence of workplaces. The population in villages has been reducing rapidly since 1990.
This
Linking Words
 issue is related to the decreasing budget in
this
Linking Words
 region and the
lack
Use synonyms
 of support from the government’s side.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the government does not allocate sufficient
money
Punctuation problem
money,
show examples
 it will lead to a
lack
Use synonyms
 of opportunities. Many youngsters realise that fact and try to find a much better place to move to. I am convinced
,
Correct word choice
that, lack
show examples
lack
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 budget is the main reason and directly related to
diminishing the
Correct word order
the diminishing
show examples
 population in these regions.
Also
Linking Words
, people who have already moved from the countryside notice the worst infrastructure, more expensive prices in shops rather than in cities,
product’s
Check wording
product
show examples
deficiency
Fix the agreement mistake
deficiencies
show examples
 and
lack
Use synonyms
 of facilities and colleges.
For example
Linking Words
: in my higher education
institution
Add a comma
institution,
show examples
 there were many students from villages
due to
Linking Words
 the complete absence of colleges and higher education institutions. Based on my experience, the
lack
Use synonyms
 of any possibilities for the potential personal
growing suburb
Check wording
growth
show examples
 is doomed. In a nutshell,
village’s
Correct article usage
the village’s
show examples
habitants
Use the right word
inhabitants
show examples
 do not want to live in these regions. Many workers have to abandon their homes
Linking Words
due
Change preposition
apply
show examples
to
finding
Wrong verb form
find
show examples
 another place
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 work.
Moreover
Linking Words
, if the young generation saw
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 differences between cities and suburbs
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 tremendous, they would not return.

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strength
Strength: The essay shows a clear topic and gives an overall view.
task
Area to improve: Add a stronger plan or map of ideas at the start and finish with a short closing thought.
strength
Strength: There are good cause and effect ideas, and some linking words are used.
coherence
Area to improve: Work on linking ideas more smoothly and make sure each paragraph has one main point.
length
Area to improve: Give more concrete examples or data to back up the claims.
language
Area to improve: Fix grammar and use simpler, more precise sentence forms.
content
The essay has a clear view on why people move from countryside to cities.
structure
A few good link words show order and contrast.
examples
One real example is given to show lack of colleges in villages.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • move
  • move to
  • rural
  • city
  • urban
  • job
  • jobs
  • work
  • pay
  • money
  • education
  • school
  • training
  • skill
  • health
  • health care
  • hospital
  • transport
  • road
  • train
  • bus
  • housing
  • home
  • rent
  • crowding
  • overcrowding
  • traffic
  • pollution
  • noise
  • stress
  • unemployment
  • unemployed
  • farming
  • farm
  • harvest
  • drought
  • weather
  • climate
  • service
  • services
  • government
  • policy
  • plan
  • development
  • industry
  • factory
  • brain drain
  • youth
  • young
  • family
  • relatives
  • remittance
  • send money
  • village
  • country side
  • city life
  • city centre
  • rural area
What to do next:
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