IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #grandparents #generation #lack #exercise #computer #games #sites #tv #time
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
People
Use synonyms
 have different views as to whether lacking physical
activity
Use synonyms
 is
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 important factor to isolate younger
people
Use synonyms
 from their families. In my opinion, I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, and the following example will be provided in order to support my point of view. One of the most important reasons why younger
people
Use synonyms
 isolate themselves from society is that technological devices are essential in decreasing the amount of physical
activity
Use synonyms
 in younger
people
Use synonyms
 since when youngsters can be completely engrossed with communication technology, they may not pay attention to do physical activities with their family members.
For example
Linking Words
, according to the latest survey conducted by Bangkok University, it revealed that 80% of children who play computer games or chat aimlessly on social networking sites
such
Linking Words
 as Facebook, Twitter, and Line application tend to not participate in outdoor activities like exercise and meetings. Having said that, technological devices play a significant role in decreasing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
physical exercise in younger
people
Use synonyms
. Another reason to support
this
Linking Words
 is the fact that lack of physical exercise with others is a major contributor to antisocial behaviour.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because when younger
people
Use synonyms
 concentrate on interesting programs on social platforms, they tend to isolate themselves from family members and societies. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, in recent news, it has been reported that virtually all children interested in watching TVs or movies on Netflix have a tendency to lose interest in
face-to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 communication with other
people
Use synonyms
, especially their family members.
As a result
Linking Words
, youngsters are most likely to become antisocial
people
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, it is undoubtedly true that lacking physical
activity
Use synonyms
 is the important factor to isolate younger
people
Use synonyms
 from their families because technological advance is a key part of decreasing physical
activity
Use synonyms
 in youngsters, which leads to antisocial behaviour.
Submitted by 123456 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: