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Band 6

Some people say that economic growth is the only way to end hunger and poverty, while others say that economic growth is damaging the environment so it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #growth #hunger #poverty #environment
It is argued by a few individuals that it is better to invest in economic development so that we limit the ratio of survivors who have nothing to eat and
also
 reduce the scarcity.
Whereas
, others think that if they are focused on increasing their financial status they are closer to ruining their natural beauties. I will discuss both sides in
this
 essay below and shed light on my opinion. On one hand, a group of
people
 says that it is worth it if we pay attention to boosting the resources in
this
 way we will manage to build and improve our industrial sites. When we focus on industrial management it will bring a positive effect on our economy
hence
, reducing the unemployment ratio. When
people
 do their work they earn better and fulfill the wishes of their loved ones easily
therefore
 it is a big factor that leads towards a happy healthy life.
However
, I think it is beneficial for several
people
as well as
 to the nation when they work they are doing and pay back to their motherland
as well as
 to their family. They are capable of encouraging them to live the best life. In most of the European bucolics, most
people
 start their jobs at an early age,
therefore
, they can support their family and country by performing well in their fields. On the flip side, the opposing group says that it hurts the surroundings because whenever they are trying to improve the economy they are determined to increase industrialization and build new factories by doing
this
 they are removing natural habitats like trees and making the ground flat for their benefit. But
this
 is alarming as it is promoting global warming when more industries and factories are been made they are the reasons to increase pollution.
That is
 the leading cause of many respiratory diseases
hence
 affecting most humans.
However
, it
also
 has an adverse impact on animals
as well as
 they are removing forests and deforestation is the main cause of declination of animal species.
For example
, in Pakistan, the mortality rate of asthma patients is increasing day by day because they are focused on increasing their wealth status but forgetting about the health issues arising from them. In conclusion, it is a fact that if we consider industrialization management we are more close to boosting our economy. But it is
also
 a fact that we must take other things under consideration that are harmful to us like growing more trees to limit global warming and
hence
 help us to improve the
green house
Correct your spelling
greenhouse
show examples
 effect.
Submitted by aimenmalik2021 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay lacks full unity and progression of ideas. Work on linking your ideas more clearly and using cohesive devices that guide the reader through the argument coherently.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your essay directly addresses all parts of the task. You need to discuss both sides of the argument fully and present your own opinion in a clearer manner, supported by relevant examples from a variety of sources.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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