Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the develop world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and college. To what extant do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#childhood #obesity #develop #world #people #adverts #food #sweets #snacks #schools #college

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It is undeniable that the obesity problem in childhood is the main problem of many countries around the world at the present time, resulting in some persons think that the advertisement of fast

food

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, candy or sweet snacks and soft drinks in schools is the cause of that problem, and they think that these advertisements should not present in every school. From my point of view, I disagree with

this

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viewpoint for many reasons which will be outlined in the detail in the following paragraph. In my opinion, others, including me, disagree with these ideas because I claim that it is not the best solution for solving the obesity of

children

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, and they should solve these problems at the root causes rather than at the end.

For example

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, many parents should educate their

children

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in terms of positive impacts and negative impacts when their kids eat unhealthy

food

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Additionally

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, their parents should provide some foods which have a lot of nutrients for their kids

such

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as making fresh

food

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every day.

However

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, health issues of

children

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in each country not only depends on

family

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a family

the family

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children

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but

also

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on the governments of each area as well due to the state union plays an important role

Change preposition

show examples

health

Correct article usage

the health

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developing

Replace the word

development

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of many younger people.

For instance

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, they should provide some lessons about eating

food

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in the right ways and how to correctly exercise to the schools in their land.

Furthermore

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, they should provide public gym or fitness for supporting

children

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to take an exercise. In conclusion, I strongly disagree with that viewpoint because unhealthy

food

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advert cancellation in schools is solving at the wrong way due to

children

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can see theses adverts at various locations, like the department stores, as well.

Therefore

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, it is recommended that many parents and the governments should cooperate together to educate younger persons in the ways of exercising and eating properly.

Submitted by kitsanayuiyui on Fri Oct 15 2021

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9
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

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Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

314 words

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Childhood obesity is becoming a problem throughout the develop world. Because of this, some people think that adverts for fast food, sweets and sugary snacks should not be allowed in schools and college. To what extant do you agree or disagree with this statement?

High school students are usually not good at managing money. What are the reasons? What are the solutions?

Some people believe that professional workers such as doctors and teachers should be paid more than sports and entertainment personalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some believe travel is overrated. People argue whether travel is or is not a component of a quality education. To what extent do you agree with it?

Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

‘It is important for foreigners to know something about the history and culture of the country they live in.’ To what extent do you agree or disagree?