IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it is good for a country’s culture to show imported foreign film and TV programmes. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #country’s #culture #show #film #tv #programmes
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Art forms have progressed over various countries over generations. Telecommunication advances have enabled humans to share
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
information on
widespread
Add an article
a widespread
show examples
 scale. There have been insecurities about
a foreign
Correct the article-noun agreement
foreign films
a foreign film
show examples
films
 challenging the perspectives of local
communitites
Correct your spelling
communities
. I voice for introducing ourselves to the foreign
films
. In
following
Change the article
the following
show examples
 essay, I will state reasons to support my
belives
Correct your spelling
beliefs
show examples
. Local
communities
 have directly or indirectly expressed insecurities about the foreign
culture
 influencing their younger generations in a negative manner. It is accepted by the masses that foreign media magnifies certain incidents and represents them as flaws about their
culture
. Certain media houses have released research stating that foreign content released in India, attracts the younger generation by depicting false images of adultery in western society. These movies have been seamlessly hiding up the consequences of
such
 actions against the
well thought
Add a hyphen
well-thought
show examples
 traditions formed by the
vedic
Change the capitalization
Vedic
show examples
 Indian society.
Such
narrow minded
Add a hyphen
narrow-minded
show examples
 observations by the influenced media houses
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 rooted the insecurities deep in certain
communities
. No matter the era, outdated cultures were uprooted by either the oppressed or intellectually strong groups. Studies have shown 65% of the foreign
films
 introduce us to the cultural traditions India has been missing. Talking about Indian
culture
, various inhumane practices were abolished from Indian
culture
 after
British
Correct article usage
the British
show examples
 had ruled India. Sati – the practice of a widow giving up her life, child marriage, restricting women from education are a few to be named.
This
 was possible only when the local
communities
 were exposed to the better parts of
outer
Add an article
the outer
show examples
 world.
Such
 mass attracting art form, will
thus
 only help the local
communities
 to reshape their
culture
 and be in sync with the world
around
Correct pronoun usage
themaround
show examples
. Foreign
films
 have been known to introduce us to the unseen facets of the new
culture
. These experiences
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will help improve the traditions of any
culture
 and should be welcomed with open arms.
Submitted by ieltsmaterialof on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: