IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

People in the community can buy cheaper products nowadays. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

Nowadays, no one can deny that we are able to buy anything we desire with ease.
Although
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this
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 trend can be beneficial,
but
Correct word choice
apply
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,
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apply
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 I believe
,
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apply
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 it can lead
toward
Change preposition
to
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 encouraging
the
Correct article usage
apply
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consumerism
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 numerous drawbacks that will
out-weight
Use the right word
outweigh
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 the benefits. In
this
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 essay, I am going to illuminate my reasoning for
this
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 outcome. On the one hand, it is clear, acquiring goods with convenience has several great aspects. Every human
beings
Fix the agreement mistake
being
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 has primal needs,
such
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 as food, housing and clothing, that
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 to be addressed. So, if we can be able to answer these
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
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 with little effort, our quality of life will improve substantially.
For example
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, if a scholar does not have to worry about his earnings and providing for his family, he can put more effort into his research and will come up with better results.
On the other hand
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, I hold the opinion, a society of consumers
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 far more disadvantages.
First,
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having everything at hand, and with a reasonable
price
Punctuation problem
price,
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 will instigate more purchases and more debt for
public
Correct article usage
the public
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.
This
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 accumulated debt may result in
downfall
Correct article usage
the downfall
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 of the economy and cause many to lose their fortune
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 we experienced in
late
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the late
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 2000s. Another possible negative outcome is the culture of consumerism. In recent decades, a great proportion of
population
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the population
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is getting
Verb problem
has become
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 used to buying more without thinking twice.
Although
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,
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apply
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this
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behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 can boost the
GPD
Correct your spelling
GDP
 of the country,
however
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, it can
also
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 despoil the earth. In fact, to provide the raw materials for our new goods, the earth has to be exploited more and more, which will result in
great
Correct article usage
a great
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 environmental impact on our mother planet. In conclusion, in my eyes, the disadvantages of
this
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 situation will exceed the advantages.
Therefore
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, it is crucial, we set a balance on our purchases to be able to address our needs
while
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 we preserve
out
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our
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life style
Use the right word
lifestyle
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 and the planet at the same time.

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grammar
Fix many grammar errors and make sentences simpler and clearer.
coherence
Use better link words to connect ideas and show how one idea leads to another.
task
Make your main idea clear in the first paragraph and keep your view in all paragraphs.
development
Give one clear example for each idea and explain it in one or two lines.
position
You give a clear view that the disadvantages have more weight.
structure
The essay has a simple form: intro, two body parts, and a short ending.
content
Some useful examples are used, like debt and the effect on the earth.
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