IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The dangers of smoking are well known, yet many people continue with this habit. What are the causes of this? How can we reduce smoking in society?

#dangers #people #habit #society
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is frequently considered that the consumption of adjective substances like alcohol and
cigarate
Correct your spelling
cigarette
cigarettes
 affect our internal body in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
various ways.
Although
Linking Words
populace
Correct article usage
the populace
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 aware of detrimental causes, they do not
rasist
Correct your spelling
racist
resist
 themselves to purchase those items. In
this
Linking Words
 following essay, I will dissect contrary views and bring forth my deduction. In
this
Linking Words
 rapid-paced world ,
people
Use synonyms
 are tensed and full of
stresses
Fix the agreement mistake
stress
show examples
;
hence
Linking Words
 they want relaxation in their
life
Use synonyms
 .
Consequently
Linking Words
, the products like tobacco and
cigarate
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 amused them and allay their problems.
In addition
Linking Words
,
middle class
Add a hyphen
middle-class
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have a plethora of obligations towards their households and companies; in
order
Add a comma
,order
show examples
 to
that
Add a comma
,that
show examples
 they feel annoyed which leads to detrimental thoughts in their mind;
hence
Linking Words
 they lose mental control.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they look for an element which
amuse
Change the verb form
amuses
show examples
 them and smoking is one of the habits which assists them to find a modicum of happiness in their hectic
life
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
department
Correct article usage
the department
show examples
 of health claims that for numerous
people
Use synonyms
 ,
smocking
Correct your spelling
smoking
show examples
 prevents mental illness as after smoking they feel relaxed.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, it is a fact that
smocking
Correct your spelling
smoking
show examples
 kills thousands of
people
Use synonyms
 by
Correct your spelling
affecting
show examples
effecting
Correct your spelling
affecting
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's internal organs. To reduce smoking,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 ought to organise a colloquium in which they meticulously scrutinise various factors to element
tabacco
Correct your spelling
tobacco
Tabacco
. In fact , every school should educate their students so that children would save themselves from addiction in their early
stage
Fix the agreement mistake
stages
show examples
 of
life
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the government must imply few rules on
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
show examples
 of addictive substances like they could restrict the
cigarate
Correct your spelling
cigarette
 companies by ordering them
50
Correct article usage
a 50
show examples
% cut in their production.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, an evangelist of
healthcare
Correct article usage
the healthcare
show examples
 system endorse that if 40% populace stop smocking
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 it would save another 10% population who becomes
victams
Correct your spelling
victims
 of passive smocking. To sum up, smocking plays an immense role in our
life
Use synonyms
 along with families'
life
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
smocking
Correct your spelling
smoking
show examples
 is detrimental for everyone,
people
Use synonyms
 ought to consume it
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 its threshold
otherwise
Linking Words
 the
life
Use synonyms
 would be convoluted for everyone.
Submitted by hetpatel3205 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: