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Band 4.5

In some countries, the rate of crimes committed by teenager is increasing. What are the reasons and what can be done to relieve the problem?

#countries #rate #crimes #teenager
A mentally healthy teenager will grow up to be a mentally balanced adult. Most of the teenagers we have nowadays are not healthy mental wise. Until we take more time to invest in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 kids, they would continue to make the country bad.
Firstly
, the number of broken homes is on the increase consistently and
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 children are watching.A
child
 who grows up to watch his dad beat mum mercilessly will grow up thinking that should be
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 norm.Children learn fast and have a way of imbibing what they see daily.
Secondly
, gone are those days when we take time to discipline children, it is now
a
Correct article usage
apply
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taboo to discipline a
child
.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance
show examples
 a
child
 caught stealing should be punished, not just told not to steal again. When
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
such
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
kid wants to steal, he would remember the punishment and not steal. Going
further
,our morals are fast getting decayed.We no longer have moral values.These teens have been given too much
free hand
Correct your spelling
freehand
show examples
hence
, they believe having morals is old school.Why would a
child
 of thirteen be having sex?
This
 is even a minor or even go clubbing.
Furthermore
,when parents
wants
Change the verb form
want
show examples
 to display any level of violence, the kids should not be around.They learn by what they see not just hear.The
first
 models of teenagers are their parents.They should be brought up in love and not violence. In conclusion,there would be low rates of rape,domestic violence,
sucide
Correct your spelling
suicide
 and cyber crimes in our society when parents pay more attention to their kids and everyone
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 it a point of duty to produce a whole teenager
not
Add the comma(s)
,not
show examples
 a broken one.
Submitted by Dammy on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • broken family structure
  • parental guidance
  • emotional support
  • peer pressure
  • delinquent behavior
  • economic factors
  • poverty and unemployment
  • violent media content
  • desensitize
  • glorify
  • lack of educational opportunities
  • disenfranchised youths
  • reinforcing family support systems
  • community programs
  • parental education
  • stricter laws
  • punishments
  • quality education
  • extracurricular activities
  • employment opportunities
  • mentorship
  • counseling programs
  • mental health issues
  • financial survival
  • validation
  • ostracized
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