In some countries, the rate of crimes committed by teenager is increasing. What are the reasons and what can be done to relieve the problem?

A mentally healthy teenager will grow up to be a mentally balanced adult. Most of the teenagers we have nowadays are not healthy mental wise. Until we take more time to invest in
this
Correct determiner usage
these

It seems that determiner use may be incorrect here.

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kids, they would continue to make the country bad.
Firstly
, the number of broken homes is on the increase consistently and
this
Change the determiner
these

It appears that the singular demonstrative this is modifying the plural noun children. Consider using a plural demonstrative or a singular noun instead.

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children are watching.A
child
who grows up to watch his dad beat mum mercilessly will grow up thinking that should be
a
Correct article usage
the

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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norm.Children learn fast and have a way of imbibing what they see daily.
Secondly
, gone are those days when we take time to discipline children, it is now
a
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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taboo to discipline a
child
.
For
instance
Add a comma
,instance

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase For instance. Consider adding a comma.

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a
child
caught stealing should be punished, not just told not to steal again. When
next
Correct article usage
the next

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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such
Correct quantifier usage
apply

It seems that quantifier use may be incorrect here.

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kid wants to steal, he would remember the punishment and not steal. Going
further
,our morals are fast getting decayed.We no longer have moral values.These teens have been given too much
free hand
Correct your spelling
freehand

The word free hand seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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hence
, they believe having morals is old school.Why would a
child
of thirteen be having sex?
This
is even a minor or even go clubbing.
Furthermore
,when parents
wants
Change the verb form
want

The singular verb wants does not appear to agree with the plural subject parents. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

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to display any level of violence, the kids should not be around.They learn by what they see not just hear.The
first
models of teenagers are their parents.They should be brought up in love and not violence. In conclusion,there would be low rates of rape,domestic violence,
sucide
Correct your spelling
suicide

The word sucide is not in our dictionary. If you’re sure this spelling is correct, you can add it to your personal dictionary to prevent future alerts.

and cyber crimes in our society when parents pay more attention to their kids and everyone
make
Change the verb form
makes

It appears that the indefinite pronoun everyone does not agree with the verb make in your sentence. Consider changing the form of the verb.

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it a point of duty to produce a whole teenager
not
Add the comma(s)
,not

It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the negative appositive not a broken one. Consider adding the comma(s).

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a broken one.
Submitted by Dammy on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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