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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that zoos are cruel and all the zoos should be closed. However, others think that zoos are useful to protect rare animals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

For many years, men have captured other species for entertainment purposes and featured them in
zoos
Use synonyms
 and circuses.
However
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, recently,
this
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 act has been considered
as
Change preposition
apply
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a violation of animal rights.
Nevertheless
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, still enslaving them is believed to be beneficial. In my opinion, most
zoos
Use synonyms
 commit animal cruelty and
therefore
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, they should be banned. On the one hand,
obviously
Add a comma
,obviously
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 most
animals
Use synonyms
 are separated from their horde and are brought to these facilities. Since they are usually either caged or put in small glass rooms for exhibition means, they wouldn't have any room to roam.
Moreover
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, they are usually
malnutritioned
Correct your spelling
malnutrition
 due to
inaccessibility
Correct article usage
the inaccessibility
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to
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of
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high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
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 food sources provided by the wilderness.
Consequently
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, these
animals
Use synonyms
 would be diagnosed with severe physical illnesses as well as mental ones
such
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 as depression.
For example
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, most felines tend to get fat
in contrast
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 to their natural athletic figure.
Thus
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, we can deduct and observe their mistreatment in these places.
On the contrary
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, it is worth mentioning that specialists and veterinarians are given access to examine and treat
animals
Use synonyms
 in these areas.
For instance
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, as a previous considered endangered species, pandas, have been taken in good care of. In spite of being celibate bears, they are encouraged to have more sexual relations.
Moreover
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, after they have given birth, the staff would help them in
parenting
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the parenting
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 process.
Subsequently
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, each year, they have gone larger in number and fortunately, after years of hardship, they are no longer considered endangered.
Hence
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, some animal activists still believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are ultimately advantageous. In conclusion, most
zoos
Use synonyms
 cause cruelty towards
animals
Use synonyms
 and as a repercussion, most of them would get sick due to inappropriate treatments.
Nonetheless
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, in some cases, they have enabled us to prevent extinctions in some species.
However
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, in my
opinion
Add a comma
,opinion
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 the benefits do not outweigh the demerits.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
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