IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Sugar consumption is too harmful. Some say it is government’s responsibility to limit sugar intake, while others say it’s individual who are responsible. Discuss both views and give you opinion?

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Sugar
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 consumption is a topic that has caused much debate. Some
people
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 believe that it is the
government
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’s responsibility to limit
sugar
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 intake,
while
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 others think it is up to
individuals
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 to make their own choices. Both sides have valid arguments. On the one hand, those who believe the
government
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 should take action argue that
sugar
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 is harmful to
health
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. Excessive
sugar
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 can lead to obesity, diabetes, and heart disease. Because many
people
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 are not fully aware of the risks, the
government
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 should step in to protect public
health
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. They could introduce measures like higher taxes on sugary drinks or food and create rules for clearer
labeling
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labelling
show examples
on
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of
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 products to help
people
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 make better choices.
On the other hand
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, others believe that
individuals
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 are responsible for their own
health
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.
People
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 should have the freedom to decide what they eat and drink. It is important for
people
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 to take control of their own choices, as everyone has different tastes and lifestyles.
Instead
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 of
government
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 intervention, some argue that education is the key. If
people
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 understand the dangers of too much
sugar
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, they can make healthier decisions on their own. In my opinion, both the
government
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 and
individuals
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 have a role to play. The
government
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 should provide information and guidelines about healthy eating, but it is
also
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 important for
individuals
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 to take responsibility for their own
health
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. A combination of both approaches will likely lead to better results. In conclusion,
sugar
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 consumption is a serious issue.
While
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 the
government
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 can help limit intake,
individuals
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 must
also
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 take responsibility for their own
health
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.

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or statistics to support points, such as data on sugar consumption trends or successful government interventions.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next, using linking phrases or sentences to improve flow.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both perspectives on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Main points are clearly stated and easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear overview and summarizing the main arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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