IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think educated people more valuable than people who learned skills through experience Do you think educated people are most valuable for societ? What kind of skill can people learn through experience that can benefit society?

Education is vital for the growth of an individual so that they can meet the requirements of the job market.
However
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, some people feel that obtaining skills through
experience
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 would be more beneficial.
Furthermore
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, I believe that educated people are more valuable to society
and
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, and
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 my reasoning will be substantiated in the course of
this
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 essay. First and foremost, schools provide students with different avenues from which they can choose
and
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, and
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 the university level provides them with a more
in detail
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in-depth
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 and hands-on approach
for
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to
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 the subject they wish to pursue.
Therefore
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, at the time of graduation, the pupils will have a much higher understanding of their job, which will make them more productive from a company's point of view, because whatever problem
appears
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appears,
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 they will be able to understand and solve it.
On the other hand
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, those who have learned skills through
experience
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 are usually unable to do so.
For example
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, in the
last
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 company that I worked for, the finance team was taught how to use the SAP Finance module to process their day-to-day work.
Although
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this
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 is cheaper than getting the team certified in the module, it proved less effective because whilst they could carry out their daily business when errors were made, they were unable to solve or even understand the reason for it, for which the company had to go back into the market
,
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apply
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 and find qualified professionals to retrain the team.
Nevertheless
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, there are job skills where
experience
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 would be more valuable than literacy in that subject.
This
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 is mainly concerning the construction, maintenance, plumbing and other blue-collar jobs. These are sectors that are in high demand, especially in countries like New Zealand, Australia, and even the United Arab Emirates.
To conclude
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, I believe that education is the way forward to
have
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make
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 an effective contribution to society. Because whilst
experience
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 can get you so far, education will be able to take you all the way.

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content
Add one more big idea to the essay to make it longer and fuller.
coherence
Link your points with simple joining words, like and, but, also, in addition.
grammar
Make sentences shorter and clearer; check long lines.
content
Explain the SAP example with a cause and effect link.
task response
End with a strong last line that restates your view.
task response
Your view is clear and stays on topic.
content
You give a real example from work.
structure
You start with a general claim and then give proof.
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