IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Not many young people in countries around the world go to and enjoy concerts and plays. Why is this the case? Should they be encouraged to attend?

#people #countries #world #concerts #case
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Music
 acts as a stress buster for many individuals. Nowadays, the youth of different nations are not interesting to attend live
music
.
This
 essay will
first
 discuss the reasons for
this
 trend and will
also
 suggest measures for increasing participation in the gig. On the one hand, there are numerous factors associated with not enjoying a live performance. Expensive ticket of shows is the prime reason behind it. As most of the adults are studying or bust in searching the jobs. So
juvileine
Correct your spelling
jubilee
 do not have much money to buy
such
 highly priced tickets. A recent survey conducted by the National live
music
 industry reported that more than fifty per cent of
people
 enjoying
music
 festivals are between the age of 35 to 60. Apart from
this
, new contents are easily available OTT platform so young
people
 prefer to listen to the melodious while sitting at their comfort places without any kind of distraction which leads to more satisfaction. There are various measures that can be constructively structured to increase the number of
people
 who come to
listen
Add the preposition
tolisten
show examples
 the
music
 play.
Music
 concerts are playing a conducive role to know more about heritage and culture.
This
 will not only help to create a connection with the roots of the country but
also
 bring
people
 together. It has been observed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the more
people
 know about their origin, the more they will attach to their motherland. Another way to combat
this
music
Add a missing verb
is music
show examples
 helps to relax the mind and
also
 relieve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress.
Thus
 resulting in improving health conditions. To conclude, spending money on an expensive experience is no longer appealing to the youth.
Music
 acts as rejuvenation.
Submitted by Shifali sharma on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: