IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some governments spend a lot of public money training individuals to be successful in international sporting events. Some people believe that this money should be spent on things that will benefit the general public instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#governments #money #individuals #events #people #benefit
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In our diverse world, there are different types of Governments, some pay more heed towards
welfare
Add an article
the welfare
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 of their citizens by internal growth whereas some give importance to building
Image
Correct article usage
an Image
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 of themselves globally as a strong nation through participating in international sporting events. It's all about their
leaders
Change to a genitive case
leader's
leaders'
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 vision and their people's priorities, so the ones who want internal growth spend money in developing
infrastructure
Correct article usage
the infrastructure
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 of the
country
Use synonyms
 or improving their healthcare and education system,
usually
Add a comma
,usually
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 these are the under-developed or developing
nations
Use synonyms
.
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
,hand
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 are the developed
nations
Use synonyms
 who have peaked in other internal matters and are in the race for being
global
Add an article
a global
show examples
leader
Fix the agreement mistake
leaders
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. I think a
country
Use synonyms
 should
first
Linking Words
 improve
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 internal matters
such
Linking Words
 as healthcare, education, etc. before venturing into international sporting events competing with the developed
nations
Use synonyms
 but if they do
this
Linking Words
 they have an opportunity loss of not training someone who is naturally gifted and can excel for them in a sport on
international
Add an article
an international
show examples
 sporting level. If
people
Correct article usage
the people
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 of the
country
Use synonyms
 are internally stable and satisfied
first
Linking Words
 there will not be any opponents who question
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
government spending on sports. India
for instance
Linking Words
 is a developing
country
Use synonyms
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 is far more populated and economically weak than the other developed
nations
Use synonyms
 but wants to compete in the Olympics for which they have to heavily invest public money in training and they are criticized by the opposition, questioning their funding on sports when half the nation is below
poverty
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the poverty
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 line and have not been fed a proper meal.
Hence
Linking Words
,
its
Replace the word
it's
it is
show examples
 better to spend public money for the benefit of
general
Add an article
the general
show examples
 public
first
Linking Words
.
Submitted by vikram400059 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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