IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is reported there will be a larger proportion of old people than that of young people in the future in some countries. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development?

#proportion #people #future #countries #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 modern world, some countries will have more and more elderly
people
Use synonyms
 in the future. In my point of view,
population
Use synonyms
 ageing is a negative elaboration. On one's hand,
population
Use synonyms
 ageing has some beneficial influences. The majority of old citizens will decrease the number of crimes as well as social evils. To be exact, young
people
Use synonyms
 will tend to do illegal things more than elderly ones so younger crimes' rates are more than older ones.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a larger proportion of old
people
Use synonyms
 will help reduce overpopulation.
Population
Use synonyms
 ageing will decline fertility rates and rise life expectancy, which help lessen overpopulations.
In contrast
Linking Words
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 living more than young ones have some disadvantages.
Firstly
Linking Words
, there won't have enough workers. Right now they can work, but in the near future, if we keep
this
Linking Words
population
Use synonyms
 ageing when these old
people
Use synonyms
 are retired, no one will continue the works because of lack of employees, causing the company's not developing.
In addition
Linking Words
, elderly
people
Use synonyms
 are not productive at work. As they get older and older, they don't have more passion at work more than they did when they were young, plus they are in poor health,
therefore
Linking Words
 they are too old to be productive. And technology is
also
Linking Words
 one of their problems when working with the elderly. By and large,
population
Use synonyms
 ageing has some advantages as well as disadvantages. I think having more elderly is not ideal and will have a bad impact on its country.
Submitted by phamthaovan20 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • proportion
  • life expectancy
  • experience
  • wisdom
  • strain
  • healthcare
  • pension systems
  • workforce productivity
  • intergenerational
  • learning
  • connection
What to do next:
Look at other essays: