IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Government investment in the arts ,such as music and theatre is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead.

#government #investment #arts #music #theatre #waste #money #governments #services
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It is considered that
government
Use synonyms
 funding on
arts
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 is a waste of resources rather they should invest in public sectors. In my opinion, I absolutely agree that the authorities should spend on public services
such
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 as hospitals and schools in order to improve standards of living and reduce unemployment.
To begin
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 with, the ministry ought to spend more on public service rather than
arts
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 in order to improve the
health
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 of the
people
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.
This
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 is because
arts
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 are just for entertainment and
people
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 of the country needs more of basic infrastructure
such
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 good
health
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 facilities to improve their wellbeing.
However
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, spending on something like
health
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 sectors by the
government
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 would increase the life span of the
people
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 by providing adequate
health
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 care.
Consequently
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,spending on
this
Linking Words
 type of investment would eventually improve the standard of living and the economy of the country.
On the other hand
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, the investment of the
government
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 in public service will
also
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 reduce unemployment.
This
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 is because there will be the availability of different types of work for
people
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 to do.
This
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 is due to fact that most of these zones
requires
Change the verb form
require
show examples
 a lot of
people
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 to work on them for them to function. Many studies have shown that countries that spent on the public sector have a low level of unemployment. In conclusion, I agreed that spending on the public regions is of more benefit than spending on
arts
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 because
this
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 favoured both the
government
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 and individuals by improving
health
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 and creating employment for the
people
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 of the country.
Submitted by temitope.sabitu on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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