IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Small businesses should avoid recruiting young woman who do not have their own family in order to avoid paying maternity leave later on. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#businesses #woman #maternity
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Whether a
company
Use synonyms
 should hire young unmarried women is under public debate. Some argue, that from a
company
Use synonyms
 point of view, it will result in the organisation having to spend tons of money for their maternity leave, whilst others argue from a moral point of view, that a business cannot subjectify a
woman
Use synonyms
. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 notion and will substantiate my reasoning in the course of
this
Linking Words
 essay. On one hand, when hiring a
woman
Use synonyms
, there is always the possibility that she will one day have to go on maternity leave. So, from a
company
Use synonyms
's point of view, they will have to shell out 9
month's
Fix the agreement mistake
months'
show examples
 salaries, for an employee who has no
such
Linking Words
 productivity during
this
Linking Words
 period. When looking from
this
Linking Words
 angle, it is not beneficial, because
this
Linking Words
 eats away at the firm's budget, whilst not generating any returns for a
company
Use synonyms
, and it
also
Linking Words
 harms their future goals, because if they have plans to branch out or hire more technically qualified staff, they will not be able to.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, not hiring a
woman
Use synonyms
 on the basis that she may one day require maternity leave is immoral. An individual must be selected for a job, based on the skills they can bring to the table. Not hiring a
woman
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 basis, is equivalent to harassment, which could cause the
company
Use synonyms
further
Linking Words
 financial difficulties for a
company
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, job vacancies need to be provided to every individual, and everyone as long as they meet the skill requirement must have an equal and fair opportunity to apply for
such
Linking Words
chances
Correct your spelling
changes
show examples
 and it's the responsibility of every
company
Use synonyms
 to vet these applicants fairly.
Submitted by Nigelvictorlawrence on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: