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Band 6

Working long hours causes a great deal of stress and can be very bad for the health. The government must find a way to reduce this type of stress. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#hours #stress #health #government #type
Stress generated from heavy workload
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
causes bad health for
workers
. The government should do something to improve
this
 situation. The essay will discuss whether intervention is necessary. Long hours working not only cause stress to
workers
, but it can reduce their concentration in work. There is competition between
workers
, which means that employers pressure their
employees
 to complete their job in a limited amount of
time
, and their
employees
 have to focus full power on their job. By contracts,
workers
 can easily make mistakes or mishandle some of their tasks, if they do not have enough
time
 to review their tasks or plans and they
also
 can not get appropriate break
time
.
Therefore
, working performance will be decreased that can lead to lost organizations.
In addition
,
employees
 find their working environment uncomfortable.
As a result
, many
workers
 that choose to switch to other companies are the greatest solution for themself. Working overtime has some issues related to public health. When numerous people have an unstable mentality,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
societies might face violence and unrest.
Therefore
, the government can give some solutions to help.
However
, several countries have managed to address these problems. In one instance, the working week was reduced to 4 days.
This
 experimentation gained some positive effects that
workers
 are not only more relaxed but more productive, and still able to get a quality of their job.
However
, the business still hesitates about working
time
 because of the renovated working
time
 which is not having good effects as they want. So the government does have an important role to play in how the
employees
 are treated. In conclusion, the stress of
workers
 now comes faster and more complex in life and work, so companies and authorities should come up with appropriate measurements to resolve
this
 problem
Submitted by Andy on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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