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Band 5

The media pay too much attention to the lives and relationships of celebrities such as actors, singers or footballers. They should spend more time reporting the lives of ordinary people instead.

#media #attention #lives #relationships #celebrities #actors #singers #footballers #time #people
There is often argued that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
 is appealed by
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of
celebrities
 to how they live or have a relationship with.
In contrast
, it is less common to debate
life
Correct article usage
the life
show examples
 of normal
people
 when they have a usual
life
. I completely agree
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that famous
people
 get more attraction to the information of
media
 and makes a sense of interaction for the users. As
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
technology is advancing, the
media
 has been developing by a source of information, while
people
 can every day catch up with the latest news, released movies, etc.
in other words
, the
media
 is a visual place to keep
people
 up to date.
Celebrities
, actors and other popular
people
 can share their abilities and performances
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
media
. Because of
attractions
Correct article usage
the attractions
show examples
 of
life
’s
celebrities
 and famous
people
, the
media
 keep their data online with these
people
.
Furthermore
,
celebrities
 as the most popular
people
 in the world are a symbol of
way
Add an article
the way
a way
show examples
 of profound living. To clarify the matter, once
celebrities
 were ordinary and have a normal
life
,
then
 they have got famous and rich. Their way of
life
 can learn others to find their best path
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
life
. In fact, making them
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a crucial and successful role model in their
life
. In conclusion, I personally believe that often the latest news is taken by
celebrities
’
life
. Paying more attention to
celebrities
 in the
media
 could make a vision of successful
life
 for
people
 who could educate how normal
people
 can find their path to become
enrich
Wrong verb form
enriched
show examples
 and
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
.
Submitted by pooya2942 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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