IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbourhood #sports #children
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There are many ways to educate
students
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 on social responsibilities. One of these ways is to encourage
students
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 to voluntarily serve their communities. Some people even suggest that
this
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 activity should be mandatory and without compensation for high
school
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students
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. While I concede that doing unpaid
service
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 for the
community
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 may be beneficial for
students
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' learning, I strongly disagree with
this
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 suggestion. Admittedly, doing pro-bono
work
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 may have some benefits. One of them is that
community
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service
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 helps high
school
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students
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 to develop a culture of giving. When these
students
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 contribute to their communities without being paid, they may find that donating some of their time and efforts to the communal betterment is not difficult and is in fact worthwhile.
As a result
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, these high
school
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students
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 may keep donating even after their graduation. To exemplify
this
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 point, in my high
school
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, a friend of mine participated in mentoring passionate Computer Science
students
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 in other under-funded high schools in his
neighborhood
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neighbourhood
show examples
. He, now a fourth-year college student, is still doing
this
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work
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 without any compensation.
However
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,
community
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service
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 should not be a mandatory part of high
school
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 curricula because many high
school
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students
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 have other more important obligations that prevent these
students
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 from serving their
community
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. The Ancient Romans said that "Charity begins at home," and
similarly
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 many high
school
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students
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 are asked to help their parents out by doing housework or having a part-time job.
For example
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, many economically disadvantaged
students
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 in rural parts of Vietnam have to
work
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 on their families' farms after
school
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. It would not be sensible to ask these
students
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 to do unpaid
service
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 for the
community
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. Another obligation that many high
school
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students
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 need and want to
fulfill
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fulfil
show examples
 is the academic one. Academic excellence is something most
students
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 strive for because it could open the door to a
top quality
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top-quality
show examples
 university and possibly to a lucrative career. As these
students
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 prioritize
this
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 academic goal, they would not use their best abilities to
work
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 for the
community
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 when these
students
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 were assigned
community
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service
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 by their high
school
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 programs. To conclude, pro-bono
service
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 should not be required by high
school
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 curricula even when
this
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 type of
service
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 is beneficial for
students
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.
Submitted by Andy on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • compulsory
  • high school programmes
  • unpaid community service
  • charity
  • improving the neighbourhood
  • teaching sports
  • sense of responsibility
  • empathy
  • broader perspective
  • societal issues
  • college applications
  • job applications
  • positive impact
What to do next:
Look at other essays: