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Band 4.5

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #weight #people #level #health #fitness #measures
In many countries, even though the number of obese
people
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
increasing,
people
's attention on
health
 and fitness are declining. In my opinion, junk
food
 elements
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
lead to
obesity
 .
However
, there are some effective w solve these and technological advancements are
Correct article usage
the
show examples
main ays
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 can be incorporated
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 issues. To begin with, junk
food
 consumption is one of the reasons to become obese.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
show examples
people
 prefer to eat fast
food
 as it is tastier and addictive.
Moreover
, junk
food
 fat, salt and carbohydrates. Consuming contains high calories due to
exc ess
Correct your spelling
excess
show examples
such
 high caloric diet will eventually lead individuals to gain more weight. Technological advancement ultimately leads
people
 to have an unhealthy lifestyle. technology, basic needs are
provid
Correct your spelling
provided
 Nowadays, through ed at their
door steps
Correct your spelling
doorsteps
show examples
. For instance, one man can order his
food
 and other requirements through online portals
such
 as swiggy, amazon etc. in
this
 modern era. These progressions help
people
 to have sedentary life patterns which in turn cause
obesity
.
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
Moreo ver
Correct your spelling
Moreover
show examples
,
obesity
 will cause other diseases
such
 as diabetes and hypertension. As a result, that may give rise to serious
health
 conditions in individuals. To overcome
obesity
,
people
 ought to implement
Correct article usage
a
show examples
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
show examples
 diet and
exercises
Fix the agreement mistake
exercise
show examples
 as their daily routine.
Balanced
Add an article
A balanced
show examples
 diet can provide a
person
 with adequate calories, vitamins and
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
high calorie
Add a hyphen
high-calorie
show examples
 intake of a
person
. Doing exercises minerals. These restrict the daily help every
person
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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burn extra fat in the body.
This
 will eliminate the
possibilities
Fix the agreement mistake
possibility
show examples
 of gaining weight. industry to limit the caloric content of the
In
Add the comma(s)
,In
show examples
 addition,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can
also
 formulate laws to
food
 manufactured. To conclude, an individual
health
 consciousness products. can reduce risk factors of
obesity
 and promotes the
health
 of a
person
.
Governmen t
Correct your spelling
Government
show examples
 can amend more
food
 safety laws to provide quality foods to
Add an article
the
a
show examples
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
.
Submitted by dr.prem132 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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