IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some countries, the average weight of people is increasing and their level of health and fitness is decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #weight #people #level #health #fitness #measures
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In many countries, even though the number of obese
people
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are
Change the verb form
is
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increasing,
people
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's attention on
health
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 and fitness are declining. In my opinion, junk
food
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 elements
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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lead to
obesity
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 .
However
Linking Words
, there are some effective w solve these and technological advancements are
Correct article usage
the
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main ays
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 can be incorporated
to
Change preposition
into
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 issues. To begin with, junk
food
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 consumption is one of the reasons to become obese.
The most
Correct article usage
Most
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people
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 prefer to eat fast
food
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 as it is tastier and addictive.
Moreover
Linking Words
, junk
food
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 fat, salt and carbohydrates. Consuming contains high calories due to
exc ess
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excess
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such
Linking Words
 high caloric diet will eventually lead individuals to gain more weight. Technological advancement ultimately leads
people
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 to have an unhealthy lifestyle. technology, basic needs are
provid
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provided
 Nowadays, through ed at their
door steps
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doorsteps
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. For instance, one man can order his
food
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 and other requirements through online portals
such
Linking Words
 as swiggy, amazon etc. in
this
Linking Words
 modern era. These progressions help
people
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 to have sedentary life patterns which in turn cause
obesity
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.
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Moreover
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Moreo ver
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Moreover
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,
obesity
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 will cause other diseases
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and hypertension. As a result, that may give rise to serious
health
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 conditions in individuals. To overcome
obesity
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,
people
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 ought to implement
Correct article usage
a
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balance
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balanced
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 diet and
exercises
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exercise
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 as their daily routine.
Balanced
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A balanced
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 diet can provide a
person
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 with adequate calories, vitamins and
Correct article usage
a high
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high calorie
Add a hyphen
high-calorie
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 intake of a
person
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. Doing exercises minerals. These restrict the daily help every
person
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to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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burn extra fat in the body.
This
Linking Words
 will eliminate the
possibilities
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possibility
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 of gaining weight. industry to limit the caloric content of the
In
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,In
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 addition,
government
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the government
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 can
also
Linking Words
 formulate laws to
food
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 manufactured. To conclude, an individual
health
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 consciousness products. can reduce risk factors of
obesity
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 and promotes the
health
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 of a
person
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.
Governmen t
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Government
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 can amend more
food
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 safety laws to provide quality foods to
Add an article
the
a
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citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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.
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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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