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Band 4.5

The government should lower the budget on the arts in order to allocate more money to education. To what extent do you agree?

#government #budget #arts #money #education
allotment of money to
education
 is more helpful and an amount of allocated to the art culture should be decreased. To I large extent disagree with
this
 statement,
also
 I will prove my side by giving some causes and examples.
firstly
, If
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
 will decline the
budget
 amount for the art
then
 culture will start to
diminished
Wrong verb form
diminish
show examples
 because a
budget
 is helped to renovate the historical building.
moreover
, useful in preserving
things
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 are from ancient
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
.
For example
, Jaipur Museum
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 stored many
things
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
used by The Kings of India.
In addition
, the Taj Mahal is a sign of love and made by the King in remembering of Mumtaj. Our generation can see it easily if
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 take
take
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
care of
this
 items and places.
Secondly
, many families
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
continue their tradition , living on the money of
Correct your spelling
government
goverment
Correct article usage
the goverment
show examples
 because they do have not many buyers who buy
things
 from them. Many times traditional
things
 are very expensive because it is made by hand.
For instance
, Patan Patola in Gujarat, it is handwoven by workers and takes 3-4 months in making
process
Add an article
the process
show examples
 so it is expensive and many not can afford,
that is
 why
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 should encourage them by providing pension so they are not getting bore and continue our traditions.
In contrast
,
education
 is
powerful
Add an article
a powerful
show examples
 tool for the growth of the nation. price of the
education
budget
 increase
then
 many poorer children can go to a school as well as school increase. After, educated the youth to improve
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of the country by increasing jobs,wealth.
Similarly
, improve the atmosphere of a society. as
such
, APJ Abdul kalam who come from a poor family and became a prime minister of India and Indian defence power was raised by him,
thus
 poor kids
also
 have a right to get
education
Add an article
an education
the education
show examples
 and be a part of making society good. To summarise, preserving a culture is more important to carry our tradition in the
next
 generation so that a
budget
 should be maintained by
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
,but
education
 is part of public life so
increased
Add an article
the increased
show examples
 price for the
education
 if
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
 have extra money but not by the reduction of the art
budget
.
Submitted by sutariyajuli343 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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