IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that governments should give financial support to creative artists such as painters and musicians. Others believe that artists should be funded by alternative sources. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #governments #support #artists #painters #musicians #alternative #sources
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Few individuals do opine that
people
Use synonyms
 who are artistic or creative should be financially aided
via
Change preposition
by
show examples
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
. Whereas, some others believe that there should be
another options
Replace the adjective
another option
other options
show examples
 available for
this
Linking Words
. These
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
view points
Correct your spelling
viewpoints
show examples
 correspond to the personal belief and
perception
Fix the agreement mistake
perceptions
show examples
 of these
people
Use synonyms
. I would discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides and give my opinion on it in the following paragraphs. Some
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 do certainly think that government
organisation
Fix the agreement mistake
organisations
show examples
 should provide supporting hands to the talents
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that they can grow in their area of expertise. Financial help provided in shaping their future will in turn help the country to be known to the world through their creative talents. Most of the
people
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, who are born with innate talents are not able to come up due to immense struggles or pressure in
life
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. These
people
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 can be brought up in their
life
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,
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apply
show examples
 if certain standards or measures are adopted by regulatory authorities to help them flourish.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
thinks
Change the verb form
think
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 that there should be some other sources, that could actually economically aid these
people
Use synonyms
 to come up in their
life
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.
Such
Linking Words
 as
,
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apply
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 providing classes or lessons to the talented singers at
subsidised
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a subsidised
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 rate.
Similarly
Linking Words
, building
platform
Correct article usage
a platform
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 through which these gifted
people
Use synonyms
are know
Change the verb form
are known
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 to the whole world.
For example
Linking Words
;
India
Replace the word
Indian
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 idol, star singer shows, D4Dance. Through which they can earn fame and money. I personally believe that along with
alternative
Add an article
the alternative
show examples
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
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, financial aid through
Correct your spelling
government
governemnet
Correct article usage
the governemnet
show examples
 is essential to combat the scenario.
Hence
Linking Words
, it can be concluded that there is a need
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
correlation
Correct article usage
a correlation
show examples
 effect between both the government and alternate sources
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 so that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
budding artists, musicians or painters can come up in their
life
Use synonyms
.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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