IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

many people think that every individual is responsible for their own healthy lifestyle. other believe that government should take care of it. discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #lifestyle #government #care
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Health
Use synonyms
is majorly depend
Change the verb form
majorly depends
show examples
 on
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 will or preference or how
onw
Correct your spelling
one
now
 wants to lead his or her our life.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
,However
show examples
 I believe
Use synonyms
government's
Correct article usage
the government's
show examples
 role is essential as well, to bring upfront
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 nation through healthy individuals.
First
Linking Words
 and foremost, each and every individual should take care of themselves by opting
healthy
Change preposition
for healthy
show examples
 alternatives and changing their lifestyle.
For instance
Linking Words
,
instead
Linking Words
 of consuming junk food like chips, cola, pizza,
etcetra
Correct your spelling
etcetera
 in heft amount, they can include fresh fruits, coconut water,
vegetables
Change the noun form
vegetable
show examples
etcetra
Correct your spelling
etcetera
.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
this
Linking Words
 doing exercise for 20 minutes, 5 days a week leads to
release
Correct article usage
the release
show examples
 of endorphins which
not
Add a missing verb
is not
show examples
 only helpful for their physical or mental
health
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
improves your relationship with their family is along with
this
Linking Words
 it
also
Linking Words
enchances
Correct your spelling
enhances
 the concentration which eventually gives them success at work.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, there are other
group
Change the wording
groups
show examples
 of people who argue that
government
Use synonyms
 should introduce policies or programmes to aware people
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the benefits of
balanced
Add an article
a balanced
show examples
 diet. Apart from the
government
Use synonyms
 should compel private institute to
organis
Correct your spelling
organise
 games or other activities from time to time,
also
Linking Words
 follow the same practice in
government
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 keep in mind the
health
Use synonyms
 of vulnerable population like children and pregnant women who
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
 extra care and assistance.
For instance
Linking Words
, education about iron supplements should be given in school for
adolescents
Replace the word
adolescent
show examples
 girls. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
Use synonyms
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 is encouraging people
making
Change the verb form
to make
show examples
 policies
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 is more of individual responsibility as it is in his or her hand how they want to live their life.
Submitted by mani1995sha on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: