IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many things can influence the academic achievement and emotional growth of a student. In this regard, peers have more of an impact than teachers do. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

#influence #achievement #growth #student #peers #impact #teachers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people think that schoolmates have
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 effect on the academic performance and emotional development of a student than
teachers
Use synonyms
 do. In my opinion, I think that classmates are more impactful as academic
moltivation
Correct your spelling
motivation
 while educators serve as a more righteous guide to
student’s
Fix the agreement mistake
students’
show examples
 emotional maturity.
First
Linking Words
, it has been proven that peers to be more
moltivated
Correct your spelling
motivated
 when performing under pressure. Now there is a ranking system between class members and have more competitions to choose the academic championship. If with healthy practice, these stimulations can put learners forward in the academic race so they have to do their best,
therefore
Linking Words
, in
this
Linking Words
case
Add the comma(s)
,case
show examples
 peer rivalry brings about a greater effect on individual success.
Second
Linking Words
, at the same time, school
teachers
Use synonyms
 can provide emotional orientation for students due to their experience in life. Young learners are often prone to
emotional
Add an article
the emotional
show examples
dilemma
Fix the agreement mistake
dilemmas
show examples
 because of
the
Change the word
their
show examples
 lack of experience.
Moreover
Linking Words
, educators with
lengthier
Correct article usage
a lengthier
show examples
 lifetime are able to provide mental support to back their students up from difficulties that they are facing. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, the advice from
teachers
Use synonyms
 would be more helpful than from peers, who might have not seen enough in life to come up with the best solutions. In
conclusion
Add a comma
,conclusion
show examples
 I partly agree with the statement, as
teachers
Use synonyms
 and friends
effect
Replace the word
affect
show examples
 each individual
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 different aspects. While peers’ competitions can improve students’ academic achievement, support from
teachers
Use synonyms
 can be more
efficiacious
Correct your spelling
efficacious
 to their sentimental well-being.
Submitted by xuandoanminh2014 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic achievement
  • emotional growth
  • peers
  • impact
  • role models
  • social support
  • motivate
  • strive
  • collaborative learning environment
  • share resources
  • provide explanations
  • self-esteem
  • peer pressure
  • bullying
  • emotional difficulties
  • social dynamics
  • educational environment
  • expertise
  • personal influence
  • daily attitudes and behaviors
What to do next:
Look at other essays: