The charts illustrate four types of destination included part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment that graduate and postgraduate students did after leaving the university in 2008

The charts illustrate four types of destination included part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment that graduate and postgraduate students did after leaving the university in 2008
The bar charts illustrate how many graduate and postgraduate
students
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
leaving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
college were doing part-time
work
, voluntary
work
, and
further
study, and some unemployed
students
in the UK in 2008.
Overall
, after graduation, a significant
number
of
students
went for
further
studies, and very few
students
chose voluntary
work
.
Similarly
, a considerable
number
of postgraduate
students
did
further
studies
while
few
students
went for voluntary
work
. The maximum
number
of
students
(around 30,000 graduated and 2,725 postgraduate) choose
further
study after leaving the college in the period given.
Likewise
, Voluntary
work
constituted the minimum
number
of
students
(3,500 graduated and 345 postgraduate).
On the other hand
, part-time
work
was the choice of around 18,000
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduates
show examples
and 3000 postgraduate
students
. After leaving the college in 2008, about 17,000 graduated, and 1700 postgraduate
students
were not doing anything.
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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 65%.
Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work, number with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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