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Band 6

The charts illustrate four types of destination included part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment that graduate and postgraduate students did after leaving the university in 2008

The charts illustrate four types of destination included part-time work, voluntary work, further study and unemployment that graduate and postgraduate students did after leaving the university in 2008
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The bar charts illustrate how many graduate and postgraduate
students
Use synonyms
after
Change preposition
apply
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leaving
the
Correct article usage
apply
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college were doing part-time
work
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, voluntary
work
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, and
further
Linking Words
 study, and some unemployed
students
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 in the UK in 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
, after graduation, a significant
number
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 of
students
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 went for
further
Linking Words
 studies, and very few
students
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 chose voluntary
work
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.
Similarly
Linking Words
, a considerable
number
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 of postgraduate
students
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 did
further
Linking Words
 studies
while
Linking Words
 few
students
Use synonyms
 went for voluntary
work
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. The maximum
number
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 of
students
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 (around 30,000 graduated and 2,725 postgraduate) choose
further
Linking Words
 study after leaving the college in the period given.
Likewise
Linking Words
, Voluntary
work
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 constituted the minimum
number
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 of
students
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(3,500 graduated and 345 postgraduate).
On the other hand
Linking Words
, part-time
work
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 was the choice of around 18,000
graduated
Wrong verb form
graduates
show examples
 and 3000 postgraduate
students
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. After leaving the college in 2008, about 17,000 graduated, and 1700 postgraduate
students
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 were not doing anything.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "further".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 65%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words students, work, number with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrate" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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