IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #sense #competition #children #co-operate #adults
People
 have different views about the sense of
competition
 between children as opposed to being encouraged. While there are some benefits to encouraging children to compete with each other, I believe that cooperation may be better for the youth. There are several reasons why
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition
 should be encouraged.
Firstly
, where there is
competition
, there is motivation ,and that can be helpful to
work
 hard for children, who want to do better than others.
Secondly
, it can cultivate children’s self-confidence which supports their
work
 independently and makes progress faster.
Finally
, the youth may face competitive situations when leaving school, which can get them prepared for adult life.
For instance
, everyone would have job interviews and battle with others when they get
work
.
However
, I believe that having a sense of co-operation at an early age could be extremely positive for young
people
. By working together with other
people
, it can be having a better attitude for young
people
.
For example
, there are many times at
work
 need
people
 to
work
 in teams, a good attitude can help all
work
 together successfully. And
also
 collaboration is more useful than winning. In conclusion, I would argue that the advantages of cooperating with others do outweigh the benefits of
competition
.
Submitted by wy3262888 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • compete
  • cooperate
  • useful
  • adults
  • skills
  • motivation
  • drive
  • resilience
  • failure
  • workplace
  • empathy
  • social skills
  • reduce
  • stress
  • pressure
  • balanced
  • approach
  • ideal
What to do next:
Look at other essays: