IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Financial education should be included as a mandatory subject in schools to prepare students for managing money effectively. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#education #schools #students #money
Educating life skills,
such
 as financial
issues
 is considered a crucial course to be held in schools. In
this
 essay, I will expand
this
 program and mention my own ideas. On the one hand, spending too much
time
 and energy on
issues
 that will not be usable in the near future, will not be a suitable idea, especially in elementary schools.Some people say that
children
 should spend more of their energy and effort on playing and pastime activities.
For example
, some
parents
 are very sensitive to their
school
children
's timetables.They consider it annoying for them to think about grown-ups'
issues
.
Moreover
,parental attendance to
school
 subjects is extremely crucial.
Secondly
,preparing is something different from learning,authorities must be aware of
this
 difference for
parents
 and kids. Every parent has to join their
children
 in everyday shopping and make them participate in small businesses
such
 as house or car trailing. Every house can be a financial education system for
school
children
.
On the other hand
,some mathematical points and basic science are something that requires too much
time
 to understand
this
 will happen only during
school
time
 with everyday effort.
For instance
, taking exams on
issues
 and using calculators for proportions and numbers can help to stuck in their minds. Nowadays,finance and science pushing from every direction and it will be good for
parents
 too,
while
 helping their kids with their homework.
For example
, bitcoin and other digital markets are new inventions and it is something that
parents
 may not be able to teach.
overall
, learning financial subjects can be effective not only for
children
 but
also
 for
parents
 too. In my idea, the
time
 and energy is needed for
school
 to truly make students understand the importance and effectiveness of
this
 subject.
Submitted by mirhashemim7 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay does address the topic but the stance on the argument is not consistently clear, and the conclusion is lacking a strong summarization of the points made.
coherence and cohesion
The essay lacks clear topic sentences and cohesive devices which would improve the logical flow of ideas. Introduction and conclusion need to be more clearly defined.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial literacy
  • Mandatory
  • Budgeting
  • Economic stability
  • Fiscal health
  • Credit
  • Interest rates
  • Investments
  • Curriculum
  • Informed decisions
  • Personal debt
  • Savings
  • Taxes
  • Expenditures
  • Fiscal responsibility
  • Money management
  • Financial planning
  • Economic education
  • Financial competence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: