IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many developing countries are currently expanding their tourist industries. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

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It is undeniable that tourism is becoming more popular in many developing countries these days. The main reason is that local people can make lucrative incomes in
this
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 field.
However
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, it may
also
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 have some drawbacks in some different nations. From my point of view, I strongly believe the cons would outweigh the pros. On the one hand, there are a host of reasons and benefits when developing countries tend to expand and improve their tourist industries. First of all, the visitor trade is extremely critical for some economies that create employment in services
such
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 as accommodation, entertainment or transport.
Secondly
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, local people are able to introduce their country
as well as
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 their culture,
as a result
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, visitors from different places could make friends and learn from each other.
For example
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, they might learn other languages.
On the other hand
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, investing in travelling services would be a negative development for some reasons.
To begin
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 with, the demand for building hotels or resorts
is
Verb problem
will
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 probably
increasing
Wrong verb form
increase
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 when the nation expands its
tourism
Replace the word
tourist
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 attractions.
Therefore
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, they may destroy the habitat of wild animals.
For instance
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, local people will cut down trees or ruin the mountains.
In addition
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,
touristry
Correct your spelling
tourism
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 might create pollution and waste because tourists can litter around.
For example
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, some individuals often think that they do not need to protect the environment
where
Correct word choice
that
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 is not their own nation.
Besides
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, there are many different trades that the government can concentrate on like agriculture and food.
To sum up
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, it has plenty of benefits when the public focuses on
tourist
Correct article usage
the tourist
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 business
such
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 as
economies
Replace the word
economic
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will grow up
Verb problem
growth
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 or everyone
can exchange
Wrong verb form
exchanging
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 their knowledge and experience.
However
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, the natural habitats would
also
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 be affected badly,
as a result
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, protecting the natural world should be the first priority.

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task achievement
Provide clearer explanations of the points made to enhance understanding. For instance, explain how tourism directly links to employment creation.
coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring your arguments more clearly. Use paragraphs effectively to separate ideas, maybe one paragraph for benefits, and another for drawbacks.
coherence and cohesion
Incorporate more varied vocabulary to enhance the quality of your writing. For example, instead of repeating 'tourism', try using synonyms like 'travel industry' or 'visitor economy'.
task achievement
You have effectively identified both the benefits and drawbacks of expanding tourism, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
Your main points are relevant and reflect an understanding of the topic, demonstrating engagement with the question.
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