Many people put their personal information (address, telephone number,...) online for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#people #information #address #telephone #activities #networks #purposes #development

It is true that a growing number of

people

have put their personal details online.

While

there are undoubtedly dangers in

this

, I believe that the convenience of putting

such

data on the internet outweighs the negative aspects. On the one hand, personal

information

which is held online may be stolen or misused in some way by

cyber criminals

Correct your spelling

cybercriminals

show examples

For example

, thanks to advances in technology, online banking is now common.

People

must trust the security measures put in place by banks and

Change preposition

apply

show examples

companies to ensure that their bank account details are guaranteed to be secure from computer hackers. Strict codes of conduct minimise the dangers but,

in contrast

, criminals can access all kinds of personal

information

which

people

naively provide on social networking sites,

such

as Facebook or Instagram.

As a result

, users of these sites may find that they are victims of online scams.

On the other hand

, the storage of personal

information

online is convenient in various ways.

Firstly

, it enables

people

to pay for goods ordered over the internet,

for instance

. Time-consuming visits to the shops or the bank have been superseded by simply clicking a computer key.

Secondly

, sharing personal

information

on social network sites is one of those socio-economic changes which has revolutionised patterns of behaviour . Friends and family members who have access to the

internet

Capitalize word

Internet

show examples

are able to keep in touch freely and easily.

Thus

, sharing personal details online for business or pleasure has accelerated the flow of

information

and is user-friendly, and

therefore

old ways of doing things have become obsolete. In conclusion, despite the risks of personal online

information

falling into the wrong hands, I would argue that the convenience of sharing

this

information

outweighs these risks.

Submitted by chocolovemint99 on Mon Oct 25 2021

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task response

Ensure that all parts of the essay directly address the task question and maintain a clear position throughout the essay. Provide a clear opinion in the introduction and ensure that each paragraph supports this position.

coherence and cohesion

The essay demonstrates a clear introduction and conclusion, linking back to the topic and overall argument. Ensure that ideas and details are logically organized and connected throughout the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

288 words

6.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Personal information
Online privacy
Security concerns
Identity theft
Enhanced connectivity
Convenient access
Social networks
Banking purposes
Positive development
Negative impact

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Many people put their personal information (address, telephone number,...) online for everyday activities such as socializing on social networks or banking purposes. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Fully explain your ideas

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree with this option?

Many countries import a large amount of food from other parts of the world. Is this a positive or negative development?

Some people think that economic progress is the only way to measure a countries success, while others think that other factors can be used to measure a countries success. What are these Factors? Which do you think are most important?

Around the world, many adults are working from home, and more children are beginning to study from home because technology has become cheaper and more accessible. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Some people think that it is best to save money, for example in a bank or savings scheme. Other people feel that money should be spent whenever it is available. Discuss these views and reach an opinion on this debate.