IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that in the modern world, we are more dependent on each other. Others argues that people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #world
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the era of advanced technology, few
people
Use synonyms
 believe that most of us develop on relying on one another thru time. While others averted that we become free from dependency
instead
Linking Words
. In my perspective, we may become dependent or independent from the other depending on the situation we are in.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, technology continuously advances in accordance to the high economy,
thus
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays would depend on professionals by troubleshooting their latest gadgets,
such
Linking Words
 as laptops and mobiles,
in contrast
Linking Words
 when we used to do it by ourselves. The reason behind
this
Linking Words
 is that no one would risk the possibility of damaging an expensive item.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the demands are greater compared before.
Thus
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 results in more individuals holding onto their friends and families for supports.
For instance
Linking Words
, great numbers of adults still require allowances from their parents even they have a job of their own.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the global internet helps
people
Use synonyms
 to become more independent especially when it comes to travelling. Nowadays, most
people
Use synonyms
 do not require assistance from travel agencies on availing discounted plane tickets and hotel bookings. Aside from
this
Linking Words
, google map and google translate aid a smooth exploration of the areas where
people
Use synonyms
 do not speak English.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, due to the high requirement of the economy, it pushes both couples to work.
Hence
Linking Words
, when a crisis in their marriage arises, neither of them gives a
second
Linking Words
 thought on staying, since both of them can financially stand on their own.
Thus
Linking Words
 the rate of divorce is greater than the old generations. In conclusion, my views would favour the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 may lean on one another or stand on their own, respectively with the given scenario in correlation to the era we are in.
Submitted by rachelsorrera on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • interdependence
  • globalization
  • technological advancements
  • collective action
  • digital evolution
  • minimal reliance
  • direct interaction
  • empowered
  • access to technology
  • societal expectations
  • personal choice
  • leverage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: