Some people feel unsafe either staying at home or going out? What are the possible reasons for this? What can be done to address the issue?

Nowadays, some citizens tend to feel unsafe or anxious at home or in public places.
This
essay will display possible reasons for
this
problem
and propose some solutions to overcome the issue. A sense of anxiety or danger that individuals might feel, could be caused by psychological disorders or past traumas.
As a result
of continuous abuse or some sort of bullying, one might suffer from long-term stress or even depression, which can lead to dramatic consequences
such
as social anxiety or panic
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
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in public places.
Moreover
, it is fair to judge that the modern world is cruel to outstanding victims of unpleasant situations.
For instance
, many young ladies in Muslim countries were abused or threatened by their own family members like dads or brothers and only one-third of women had enough courage to openly talk about
this
issue or sue them,
therefore
a
problem
of social disapproval or conservative views has a direct correlation with
Add an article
the
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creation of an unsafe environment for some people.
Firstly
, the government of any country should concentrate on investing financials
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
the medical and psychological treatments of residents, as it can be an efficient way to avoid the passive-aggressive attitude of some in society. Professional help could reduce the level of anxiety of some and facilitate their everyday life. As a second solution to the issue, family members should be aware of the
problem
of their loved ones to morally support them in tough situations
such
as panic attacks.
For example
, if a teenager is being constantly bullied by their classmates or even their teachers, there should be a school officer who can be able to protect
and
Correct pronoun usage
them and
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warn their parents about that,
,,
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apply
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consequently
Add a comma
consequently,
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it will acquire less treatment in the future and could help to raise “healthy” students.
To conclude
, there is an acute
problem
of residents who feel unsafe or uncomfortable in public places, like schools or workplaces ,
,
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apply
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however
the possible solutions
of
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to
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this
might be legally set laws about the support of these victims and more control in schools.
Submitted by zhadyra.serikbayeva2016 on

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task response
In the introduction, the essay states the possible reasons for feeling unsafe and proposes solutions to address the issue. However, the body paragraphs could be more focused on elaborating the reasons and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction and conclusion. The main points are supported with relevant examples. However, the logical structure could be improved to enhance coherence and cohesion.
lexical resource
The range of vocabulary used is fairly good, but there are instances of wordiness and awkward phrasing. Using more precise and concise language would enhance the lexical resource.
grammatical range
The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, but there are some errors in sentence structure and word usage. Paying attention to sentence clarity and accuracy would improve the grammatical range.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Perceive
  • Threat
  • Crime
  • Fear
  • Accident
  • Natural disaster
  • Personal security
  • Trust
  • Authorities
  • Social isolation
  • Loneliness
  • Media
  • News coverage
  • Community safety measures
  • Personal security awareness
  • Transparency
  • Support networks
  • Community involvement
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