IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays, some workplaces tend to employ equal numbers of men and women. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

It is true that the improvements in gender equality have encouraged many organisations to recruit a similar
number
Use synonyms
 of male and female workers.
However
Linking Words
, I believe that it is better for a
company
Use synonyms
 to adjust its workforce composition according to its business plans. Admittedly, adopting the policy of employing
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 indicates that many workplaces place
high
Add an article
a high
show examples
 value on sexual equality.
This
Linking Words
 means that both males and females are granted identical opportunities to pursue their desired positions and careers.
Also
Linking Words
, there are fewer restrictions to
women
Use synonyms
 becoming managers and
men
Use synonyms
 taking on roles of performing tasks requiring high patience and precision. With every employee being motivated by
such
Linking Words
 a balanced working setting, a
company
Use synonyms
 can expect to promote the rate at which it grows and accumulates profits.
However
Linking Words
, there are risks associated with having the same
number
Use synonyms
 of male and female workers
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 workplace.
Firstly
Linking Words
, being provided equal opportunities means that males and females would have to compete more intensively with their counterparts to obtain their chosen positions. There are many cases where a female employee finds it difficult to cope with the pressure from her stressful work, ending up being depressed or even quitting her job.
In addition
Linking Words
, insisting on achieving equilibrium by hiring
equal
Correct article usage
an equal
show examples
 portion of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 would affect the flexibility of a
company
Use synonyms
 when it comes to conducting trade. It would be disastrous for a
company
Use synonyms
 to run businesses demanding high
labour power
Add a hyphen
labour-power
show examples
 if
this
Linking Words
company
Use synonyms
 did not possess enough male employees. In conclusion, it seems to me that it would not be feasible for an organisation to operate all types of businesses by taking on
equal
Change the article
an equal
the equal
show examples
number
Use synonyms
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I would propose that utilising an adaptive workforce is best for the development of any
company
Use synonyms
.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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