Some people think that governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #governments #focus #pollution #illness #disease

In recent years, increasingly

people

are suffering kinds of

healthy threaten

Replace the word

health threats

show examples

Therefore

, some individuals believe that the best way for a government to solve the problem of health

such

as illness and disease is by reducing environmental pollution and housing problems.

While

I agree

with

Change preposition

that

show examples

this

method is a nice scheme,

but

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

I consider that it will be another way to solve the issue.

To begin

with, it’s evident that a large group of the population have to live in slums as those places

where

Rephrase

apply

show examples

have a housing shortage and housing prices are pretty high. Normally, unhygienic surroundings will always as accommodations for those

people

who

couldn’t

Wrong verb form

can’t

show examples

afford crazy housing prices, it would be a huge fitness hazard.

As a result

, the relevant departments should be preoccupied with solving the basic accommodation issue and

also

offering affordable housing for poor

people

Besides

, a wide range of viruses usually

hides

Correct subject-verb agreement

hide

show examples

in unsanitary circumstances,

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

mixes

Correct subject-verb agreement

mix

show examples

kinds of dirty materials and creatures and

would

Verb problem

apply

show examples

carry harmful bacteria. When

people

stay there for a long time, they are easy to get ill in most cases.

Thus

, it’s crucial to treat environmental pollution.

On the other hand

, raising the public’s awareness

play

Change the verb form

plays

show examples

a key role

to mitigate

Change preposition

in mitigating

show examples

the risk of disease. Many

people

have no awareness regarding sanitary aspects, so they

were

Wrong verb form

are

show examples

suffering from the disease without knowing it. Governments could prevent sickness through vaccinations and launch health awareness campaigns,

Correct pronoun usage

which

show examples

aims

Correct subject-verb agreement

aim

show examples

to spread necessary knowledge to the wider community. In conclusion, environmental pollution and housing problems are two main reasons to cause health trouble, they

also

have other ways that need to be noticed by more

people

. From a personal perspective, in order to reject the probability of having an illness, everyone should do their best to treat those obstacles.

Submitted by richard52138 on Wed Oct 27 2021

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Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

297 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

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Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
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Topic Vocabulary:

respiratory diseases
heart conditions
incidence
affordable housing
stress
infectious diseases
preventative measures
cost-effective
healthcare infrastructure
comprehensive approach
global warming
climate change
exacerbated

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Some people think that governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems to help people prevent illness and disease. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people think governments should spend money in looking for life on other planet, while others think that there are many unsolved problems on earth. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

The range and quality of food that we can buy has changed because of technological and scientific advances. Some people regard this change as an improvement, while other believe that it is harmful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that every human can create art. Other people think that art can only be created by people with special talents. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Space exploration is too expensive and money should be spent on more important things. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

One of the consquences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantacges of this outweigh the disadvantages?