Some people think that the government should be responsible for improving public health. Others, however believe that everyone in the community should take part in this issue.

At the present, public

health

Use synonyms

is one of the most important issues that every country should concern about it, Some

people

Use synonyms

think that government should take place and be responsible for public

health

Use synonyms

, while

other

Correct pronoun usage

others

show examples

think that improving public

health

Use synonyms

should be a part taken by

people

Use synonyms

in the community too. In the following paragraphs, both of

these viewpoint

Change the determiner

this viewpoint

these viewpoints

show examples

will be

disscussed

Correct your spelling

discussed

in detail before the conclusion is reached. It is true to say that government have an important role to develop public

health

Use synonyms

. They should provide a clean environment and increase sport

facilitys

Correct your spelling

facilities

such

Linking Words

park

Fix the agreement mistake

parks

show examples

and swimming

pool

Fix the agreement mistake

pools

show examples

in order to encourage

people

Use synonyms

to exercise.

Moreover

Linking Words

, the

authories

Correct your spelling

authorities

should provide

health

Use synonyms

care policy because it is a right that everyone in the community should deserve.

However

Linking Words

, everything that government do might not work if

people

Use synonyms

do not take care of their

health

Use synonyms

. There is an important thing for everyone to be

resoinsible

Correct your spelling

responsible

for their

health

Use synonyms

. Individuals should have good lifestyles

such

Linking Words

eat

Change the form of the verb

eating

show examples

healthy food ,

have

Wrong verb form

having

show examples

a balanced diet and

take

Wrong verb form

taking

show examples

Remove the article

apply

show examples

sufficient rest.

In addition

Linking Words

, they should consult a doctor

Change preposition

apply

show examples

every year and have a medical

check up

Add a hyphen

check-up

show examples

to see if their body is still fit and

also

Linking Words

to maintain their

health

Use synonyms

. In conclusion, both

Change preposition

apply

show examples

governments and individuals have a great

impacts

Correct the article-noun agreement

impact

show examples

on improving public

health

Use synonyms

. While governments take serious actions on

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

issues,

people

Use synonyms

should pay more attention to

take

Wrong verb form

taking

show examples

care of themselves. Doing these things can lead to a healthy community in the future.

iceyanin

Oct 27, 2021

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

6
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
18
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

252 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
A young person will start work at your office next month to gain work experience. Write a letter to him/her. In your letter ▪️Inform him/her about the work that needs to be done at the office; ▪️Explain what he/she is supposed to do on the first day; ▪️Suggest what he/she should bring to work
I hope this letter finds you in good condition, my name is Ricardo, I am your employer and I will say welcome to Ajisaka Company. I am writing this letter to inform you about a couple of things.
7
band
When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
In the contemporary era, with the development of technology, the question of whether it is necessary to conserve the traditional techniques and ways has become a matter of considerable debate. From my perspective, I firmly agree that preserving traditional culture is pivotal.
7
band
Some claim newspapers are the best means to get the most recent information because they have more influence than other forms of media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In contemporary society, what types of media enjoy the best reputation is an issue open to intensive debate. While some assert that newspapers are the best way to attain the latest affairs and contain more impact than other media types, I partly agree with this opinion and I contend that newspaper has more influence while the best way to get news is by browsing online.
6.5
band
In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their childen themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?
Many parents in different parts of the world have started to prefer home-schooling their children instead of sending them to school. This essay will examine the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
7.5
band
nuclear power is far too dangerous, therefore, countries should ban its use and concentrate instead on developing alternative sources such as hydroelectric power and solar energy.to what extent do you agree.
In our present society using developed alternative natural sources is unquestionably one of the most controversial topics of debate these days. This affects all of us worldwide since the latest studies show the significant relationship between rising climate change and the use of unnatural energies, such as nuclear power. In fact, it is considered to be a part of each day, but I absolutely agree with the statement about using natural resources, so this essay will elucidate my opinion in the forthcoming paragraphs.

Some people think that the government should be responsible for improving public health. Others, however believe that everyone in the community should take part in this issue.

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Some claim newspapers are the best means to get the most recent information because they have more influence than other forms of media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In some countries, there has been an increase in the number of parents who are choosing to educate their childen themselves at home instead of sending them to school. Do the advantages of home education outweigh the disadvantages?

nuclear power is far too dangerous, therefore, countries should ban its use and concentrate instead on developing alternative sources such as hydroelectric power and solar energy.to what extent do you agree.