Some people think that the government should be responsible for improving public health. Others, however believe that everyone in the community should take part in this issue.
At the present, public
health
is one of the most important issues that every country should concern about it, Some people
think that government should take place and be responsible for public health
, while other
think that improving public Correct pronoun usage
others
health
should be a part taken by people
in the community too. In the following paragraphs, both of these viewpoint
will be Change the determiner
this viewpoint
these viewpoints
disscussed
in detail before the conclusion is reached.
It is true to say that government have an important role to develop public Correct your spelling
discussed
health
. They should provide a clean environment and increase sport facilitys
Correct your spelling
facilities
such
as park
and swimming Fix the agreement mistake
parks
pool
in order to encourage Fix the agreement mistake
pools
people
to exercise. Moreover
, the authories
should provide Correct your spelling
authorities
health
care policy because it is a right that everyone in the community should deserve.
However
, everything that government do might not work if people
do not take care of their health
. There is an important thing for everyone to be resoinsible
for their Correct your spelling
responsible
health
. Individuals should have good lifestyles such
as eat
healthy food , Change the form of the verb
eating
have
a balanced diet and Wrong verb form
having
take
Wrong verb form
taking
a
sufficient rest. Remove the article
apply
In addition
, they should consult a doctor in
every year and have a medical Change preposition
apply
check up
to see if their body is still fit and Add a hyphen
check-up
also
to maintain their health
.
In conclusion, both of
governments and individuals have a great Change preposition
apply
impacts
on improving public Correct the article-noun agreement
impact
health
. While governments take serious actions on this
issues, Correct determiner usage
these
people
should pay more attention to take
care of themselves. Doing these things can lead to a healthy community in the future.Wrong verb form
taking
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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite