IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children should receive formal training at school on how to be good parents in the future. Do you agree or disagree with this statement??

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The subject of parenting is thought to be added to the curriculum practices of students.
Although
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this
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 idea has the support of some individuals,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
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my opinion will be altogether inclined towards the notion that the complexity of childcare cannot be known at a tender age.
Hence
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,
this
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 essay is an attempt to meticulously articulate those challenges that can prove a hindrance in understanding child-rearing at a young age. Unlike adulthood, childhood is a stage when one is not mature enough to perceive the intended meaning of raising a child. As it is a process of preparing a human being both physically
as well as
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 mentally it requires stability of mind which is generally absent in the early years of life.
Thus
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, if there are flickering thoughts, it is extremely challenging to become aware of each and every detail of nurturing young ones.
For instance
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, unbalanced and wavering ideas of determining the priorities of one's offspring are, by all means, an obstacle in the path of comprehending
healthy
Correct article usage
the healthy
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 development of children and mere theoretical knowledge cannot assist in the action of thinking.
Furthermore
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, an additional subject will enhance the probability of encountering an extra burden. Since bags of students are already overloaded, adding childcare as a subject will merely increase the stress levels in pupils' lives
that
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and
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 will eventually distress not only
physical
Correct pronoun usage
their physical
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 but mental fitness
also
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.
Therefore
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, neither children will become able to relish childhood nor will succeed in their academic performance. To exemplify, an article
of
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in
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 'The Hindu' suggests that extreme worries
of
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about
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 curriculum result in having ailments related to either body or mind.
To conclude
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, it can be asserted that the upbringing of pre-teens requires savage mastery that cannot be attained at a young age
due to
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 a lack of maturity and
abundance
Correct article usage
an abundance
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 of other subjects to study.
That is
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 why the proposal of including parenting as
Correct article usage
a subjects
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subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
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 seems impractical.

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task achievement
Consider providing a balanced view or counterargument to enhance your task achievement score by acknowledging different perspectives on introducing parenting in the curriculum.
task achievement
Ensure that examples provided are more specific and directly related to the main points discussed to enhance clarity and relevance.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, maintaining a clear progression of ideas without abrupt jumps.
coherence cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly convey the main argument, demonstrating a good grasp of essay structure.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear main points that align well with the writer's stance on the topic.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported by relevant reasoning and are logically organized.
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