IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Marketer should not be allowed to target children in their advertisement. Would you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Correct your spelling
Nowadays
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Nowaday
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Nowadays
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, some people believe advertising should be banned
in
Change preposition
for
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children
Use synonyms
, while some people argue that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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kids can be targets to advertise. I mostly agree with the former view and my reason will be described in the following paragraph.
To begin
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 with the banned view,
advertisements
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 can be present in the persuaded videos,
colorful
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colourful
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 posters or in the movies. Most
advertisements
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 are exaggerated and unreliable. Especially, youngsters cannot decide with reasons by themselves and the results are the exaggerated
advertisements
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 will be most effective in the age gap.
For instance
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, my young sister asks their parents to buy toys
which
Correct pronoun usage
that
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 advertise with their interest posters but can break easily and
unuseful
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unusefully
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.
This
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 circumstance shows the
children
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 want to purchase something by only looking at its design more than its advantages.
Moreover
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,
this
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 is the best example to illustrate the methods used by companies in their presentations. Much
colorful
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colourful
show examples
, interesting but unusable.
On the other hand
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, there are some arguments that
advertisements
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 should be allowed in
children
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. Not all
advertisements
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 are unreliable, some presentations can trust and have benefits for kids.
For instance
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, the new game for
children
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can help them to learn the language and have fun. Its target group must be adolescents. If it cannot advertise
into
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to
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their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 targets, it will not receive the interest.
Finally
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, it will disappear in the
next
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 period. In conclusion, I believe
the
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apply
show examples
advertisement should be banned
in
Change preposition
for
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 young people. The untrusted videos outweighed the trusted videos.
Finally
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, their negative implications are more than the positive effects.

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Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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