IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Childhood obesity is becoming a serious problem in many countries. Explain the main causes and effects of this problem, and suggest some possible solutions.

#childhood #obesity #countries #effects
In
this
 m
odern day
Add a hyphen
modern-day
show examples
and age, childhood obesity is a burning issue all around the world. There are several reasons for
this
 problem and many consequences related.
Thus
, some useful measures could be implemented to tackle
this
 issue. As to the obesity of
children
, there are some causes and effects f
or
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 disease. The
first
 factor is the bad eating habits of
children
.
In other words
, nowadays, with the development of fast
food
 and junk
food
, the young tend to eat KFC, CocaCola, and snacks a lot.
This
 leads to t
he
Correct article usage
a
show examples
higher risk of heart disease, obese and cancer in
children
. Another reason is t
he l
Change the article
apply
show examples
azy
Replace the word
laziness
show examples
in doing e
xcercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
exercises
in the younger. In fact,
children
 have a sedentary lifestyle with their smartphones, laptop and less playing sports or enjoying outdoor activities.
This
 makes them overweight and vulnerable to g
et
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
sick. There are a lot of measures that could be taken by parents and s
chool
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
to help
children
 resolve
this
 trouble.
Firstly
, a simple solution would be to teach the child about the harmful effects of unhealthy
food
. By doing
this
,
children
 will know about the danger of
this
 unhealthy diet . Another way to help reduce
this
 disease is and limit the amount of these foods that
children
 could eat per week or per month.
This
 measure will help the young eat less junk
food
, fast
food
 and get used to living a healthy lifestyle. In conclusion, obesity leads to various serious effects but it
also
 has many solutions to address
this
 problem.
Submitted by Andy on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: