IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Many people have difficulty maintaining a healthy diet. What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved?

#people #difficulty #diet
In the age of industrialization and modernization,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
's health seems to be much worse than it used to be in the past, especially the youngsters. And one of the reasons behind
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
show examples
 that they find it nearly impossible to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
This
 essay is aimed at talking about
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
cause
Add an article
the cause
show examples
 before coming up with some solutions to
this
 obstacle.
First
 of all, the biggest cause of having an unhealthy diet may be the effect of peer pressure. When you're on a diet, many
people
 around like your friends, your colleagues invite you to eat out with them, and you find it truly difficult to let them down.
This
 is how your healthy routine
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 completely destroyed.
Besides
, the impact of social media and advertising is
also
 another huge contributor to
this
. It is midnight when you are surfing the Internet and come across a Mukbang video of your favourite
food
. You
immediatly
Correct your spelling
immediately
 pick up your phone and order a table of
food
 without hesitation to satisfy your stomach. Sadly,
almost
Correct your spelling
most
show examples
of
Correct pronoun usage
all of
show examples
 the
food
 appearing on advertising are not beneficial for your
healthy
Replace the word
health
show examples
, with a high proportion of fats, sugar and salts. Obesity, diabetes and heart attacks are unavoidable consequences
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 from consuming
this
 kind of
food
. Fortunately,
however
, there are two promising solutions to
this
 problem.
First
,
people
 should be regularly educated on the lethal dangers of
maintaing
Correct your spelling
maintaining
maintain
this
 unhealthy routine. Those warnings should
be appeared
Change to the active voice
appear
have appeared
show examples
 more on social media
instead
 of videos that trigger
prople
Correct your spelling
people
 to take in more junk
food
. Only when they are well-informed of the disadvantages, they can have
motivation
Change the article
the motivation
show examples
 to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Another solution to
this
 problem may be that
food
 adverts should reveal both the nutritional contents of meals as well as the health complications that could arise from some diets, which would invigorate decisions to avoid meals that can adversely affect health. In conclusion, the challenge facing a routine of healthy diets arises because of peer pressure and inappropriate
food
 advertisements. Regular education of the public and ensuring
food
 adverts enlighten
people
 about the contents and dangers of various foods would help
people
 maintain eating healthy meals.
Submitted by minhneuforworks on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: