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Band 5

Many people have difficulty maintaining a healthy diet. What are the causes of this problem? How could it be solved?

#people #difficulty #diet
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In the age of industrialization and modernization,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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people
Use synonyms
's health seems to be much worse than it used to be in the past, especially the youngsters. And one of the reasons behind
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
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 that they find it nearly impossible to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
This
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 essay is aimed at talking about
it's
Replace the word
its
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cause
Add an article
the cause
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 before coming up with some solutions to
this
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 obstacle.
First
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 of all, the biggest cause of having an unhealthy diet may be the effect of peer pressure. When you're on a diet, many
people
Use synonyms
 around like your friends, your colleagues invite you to eat out with them, and you find it truly difficult to let them down.
This
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 is how your healthy routine
are
Change the verb form
is
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 completely destroyed.
Besides
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, the impact of social media and advertising is
also
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 another huge contributor to
this
Linking Words
. It is midnight when you are surfing the Internet and come across a Mukbang video of your favourite
food
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. You
immediatly
Correct your spelling
immediately
 pick up your phone and order a table of
food
Use synonyms
 without hesitation to satisfy your stomach. Sadly,
almost
Correct your spelling
most
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of
Correct pronoun usage
all of
show examples
 the
food
Use synonyms
 appearing on advertising are not beneficial for your
healthy
Replace the word
health
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, with a high proportion of fats, sugar and salts. Obesity, diabetes and heart attacks are unavoidable consequences
resulted
Wrong verb form
resulting
show examples
 from consuming
this
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 kind of
food
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. Fortunately,
however
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, there are two promising solutions to
this
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 problem.
First
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 should be regularly educated on the lethal dangers of
maintaing
Correct your spelling
maintaining
maintain
this
Linking Words
 unhealthy routine. Those warnings should
be appeared
Change to the active voice
appear
have appeared
show examples
 more on social media
instead
Linking Words
 of videos that trigger
prople
Correct your spelling
people
 to take in more junk
food
Use synonyms
. Only when they are well-informed of the disadvantages, they can have
motivation
Change the article
the motivation
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 to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Another solution to
this
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 problem may be that
food
Use synonyms
 adverts should reveal both the nutritional contents of meals as well as the health complications that could arise from some diets, which would invigorate decisions to avoid meals that can adversely affect health. In conclusion, the challenge facing a routine of healthy diets arises because of peer pressure and inappropriate
food
Use synonyms
 advertisements. Regular education of the public and ensuring
food
Use synonyms
 adverts enlighten
people
Use synonyms
 about the contents and dangers of various foods would help
people
Use synonyms
 maintain eating healthy meals.
Submitted by minhneuforworks on

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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