IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #advertisements #products #lives
It is argued by few
people
 that, adds
are motivate
Change the verb form
are motivated
are motivating
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals to purchase unnecessary goods, while other's consider that, it creates awareness among
population
Add an article
the population
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 about new varieties which are beneficial to make lives better. In
this
essay
Add a comma
,essay
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 I will discuss both sides as well as my viewpoints in the forthcoming paragraphs. To commence with, some
people
 who claim that due to
an advertising individuals
Correct the article-noun agreement
advertising individuals
an advertising individual
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 are more attractive to purchase things because, they are showing more pros of every
goods
Change to a singular noun
good
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 and looks more attractive, which easily convince the world and they forced to buy unuseful things.
Secondly
, nowadays
people
 become to know about different discounts by these apps and they prefer to get heavy discounts and
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 more material than they required.
For instance
, the Theme study has been shown that in 2016, 54%
youngsters
Change preposition
of youngsters
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 bought unnecessary commodities, owing to
influence
Add an article
the influence
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 of social platforms. On the other side and according to my opinion, advertising
making
Wrong verb form
makes
show examples
people
 aware
about
Change preposition
of
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 every new item, which
make
Change the verb form
makes
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 life more comfortable.
People
are became
Change the verb form
are becoming
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workaholic
Fix the agreement mistake
workaholics
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 and they do not have enough time to visit stores and come to know about new products, so
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
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 are helping them.
In addition
 to
this
, adds
also
 meeting the growing demands of
people
, because advanced technology
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 them more curious about
standard
Add an article
the standard
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 lifestyle. To justify it,
people
 became aware of vacuum
cleaner
Fix the agreement mistake
cleaners
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 through
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
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 and they preferred to use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 because it helps to keep house spic and spin. To conclude,
although
 advertising
convincing
Wrong verb form
convinces
show examples
people
 to buy unnecessary things;
however
, I believe that advertising is necessary to make
people
 aware
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 new products and make their life more comfortable.
Submitted by Sohandeepkaur9327 on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • encourage
  • persuade
  • manipulative
  • unnecessary
  • excessive
  • artificial needs
  • desires
  • consumers
  • oversaturation
  • impulse buying
  • financial problems
  • inform
  • educate
  • features
  • benefits
  • innovations
  • raise awareness
  • social issues
  • positive behavior
  • enrich
  • well-being
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