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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that because some children find some subjects such as mathematics and philosophy difficult they ought to be optional instead of compulsory. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#people #children #subjects #mathematics #philosophy
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In
this
 day and age,
students
 have to learn various
subjects
 and some of them can be quite challenging. Among them, mathematics and philosophy are considered as too hard to comprehend.
Therefore
, many propose that these
subjects
 should not be mandatory but to be chosen at s
Correct article usage
the student's
show examples
tudent's
Fix the agreement mistake
students'
show examples
disposal. In my opinion, I partly agree with
this
 statement and the rationales will be discussed in
this
 essay.
First
 and foremost, these
subjects
 should be compulsory due to i
ts
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
need for student's development. Mathematics consists of numerous equations and requires lots of calculation which can help to attain logical thinking and p
roblem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skills.
On the other hand
, philosophy contains various abstracts which are sometimes hard to perceive but the rewards are the understanding of oneself and identifying personal characteristics. These
subjects
 are so important that the university requires freshmen to have a certain degree of knowledge in these fields before studying any
further
 education.
However
, the school should not make
students
 learn t
o
Replace the word
too
show examples
much of these
subjects
 because they
also
 need to consolidate other skill sets.
Students
 should rather spend more time acquiring and sharpening their strong p
oint
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
which can h
elps
Change the verb form
help
show examples
them to identify their passion and meet the employer's n
eed
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
in t
he
Change the word
their
show examples
future career. For those who chase the dream of becoming an entrepreneur, b
eside
Replace the word
besides
show examples
learning math, they
also
 need to hone their interpersonal skills and get to know more about the asset and the property a
ccquisition
Correct your spelling
acquisition
which form the fundamental of business. As the result,
students
 will likely t
o e
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
arn a successful career while maintaining the w
Add a hyphen
work-life
show examples
ork- life
Correct your spelling
work-life
show examples
balance without being snowed under the paperwork. In all, mathematics and philosophy are the keys to a
chive
Correct your spelling
achieve
logical thinking and the understanding of the ego but
students
 should balance the amount of time s
pending
Change the form of the verb
spent
show examples
on these and focus more on their strong p
oint
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
in order to nurture their talent which is crucial for future job. In my opinion, I think the school should take the lead in regulating what
subjects
 will the
students
 learn and n
evigate
Correct your spelling
navigate
them to identify which types of works that they want to do in the future.
Submitted by Andy on

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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