IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays, some parents put a lot of pressure on their children. Why parents the reason for doing that? Is this a positive or negative development for the children?

#parents #pressure #children #reason #development
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It has been pointed out that several young
children
Use synonyms
 have been imposed a countless amount of pressure by their
parents
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. Personally, I opine that the difficulty of landing a
job
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 and social attitude are the reasons for
this
Linking Words
 trend, and
this
Linking Words
 dreadful situation will lead to psychological issues for
Correct article usage
the young
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young
Correct word choice
younger
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 generations. First of all, the fierce competition in the
job
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 market is a significant reason why old people put more pressure on youngsters.
This
Linking Words
 is because ,in order to find a rewarding and lucrative
job
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, school
children
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 need to achieve higher scores than
that
Correct determiner usage
those
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 of their peers to signify they have a high level of enthusiasm and qualification. As
parents
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 have known
this
Linking Words
 regulation of the workplace, they have to put more stress on their sons and daughters.
For instance
Linking Words
, a massive number of
parents
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 in Shanghai say that an increasing number of
high-qualified
Correct your spelling
highly qualified
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 graduates who are from other regions come to Shanghai to find jobs, which causes extremely stiff competition in the local
job
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 market.
As a result
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, they have to force their child to study until midnight to get a good academic performance, contributing to advantages to young
children
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’s future development.
Besides
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, a vast majority of individuals in current society think that youths who gain
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
higher
score
Fix the agreement mistake
scores
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 in their
examination
Fix the agreement mistake
examinations
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 are talented and successful,
thus
Linking Words
 prompting
parents
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 to put a lot of unnecessary strain on their
children
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, being imposed more pressure is detrimental to youngsters’ mental well-being. The reason is that if youths are forced to do several tasks that they are not passionate about constantly, they will feel stressed and anxious, causing extreme detriments to their mental health. As an illustration, a vast majority of students who receive extra tuition after school hours present that their
parents
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impose
Verb problem
force
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 them to attend extra classes to excel
a
Change preposition
in a
show examples
wonderful academic result, so they are less
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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likely to relax, which causes
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
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suffer
Fix the infinitive
to suffer
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 from depression. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 people may vary in their opinion about the reasons and results of putting more strain on
children
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, I am of the opinion that the poor
job
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prospect
Fix the agreement mistake
prospects
show examples
 and social attitude are the reasons for it, and
this
Linking Words
 appalling condition will result in mental detriments to young people.
Submitted by strawberry.guan on

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task achievement
Provide a more balanced discussion by considering counterarguments and alternative perspectives.
coherence and cohesion
Work on structuring the essay with clear introduction and conclusion. Ensure that the main points are supported with relevant examples.
lexical resource
Expand your range of vocabulary and use more precise and varied lexical choices.
grammatical range
Use a wider variety of sentence structures and pay attention to grammatical accuracy and complexity.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Excessive pressure
  • Academic achievements
  • Professional success
  • Secure future
  • Social comparison
  • Competitive environment
  • Psychological impact
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Resilience
  • Work ethic
  • Emotional well-being
  • Supportive parenting
  • Achievements
  • Life skills
  • Balance
What to do next:
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