IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that spending money on developing technology on space exploration is unjustifiable and there are more beneficial ways to spend this money. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#people #money #technology #space #exploration
Space exploration plays a pivotal role for the country.
Although
 it is sometimes thought to
put
Wrong verb form
putting
show examples
money
 on developing technology is unsupported, others believed that there are many profitable ways to spend
this
money
. In my opinion, I consider that government should use
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 ways
such
 as medical care and
education
, but space research is
also
 necessary. A good reason to put wealth on
study
Add an article
the study
show examples
 is that
education
 is essential to get more educated
people
, and they can earn name and fame across the world, and it would be proud for the country.
Furthermore
,
education
 brings positivity and prosperity
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 society. Having resources of skilled and
knoeledgeable
Correct your spelling
knowledgeable
 professionals will lead
greater
Change preposition
to greater
show examples
 rewards to
association
Add an article
the association
an association
show examples
.
Therfore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
, it is very useful to spend
money
 on
education
. Another point to consider
puting
Correct your spelling
putting
money
on
Change preposition
into
show examples
 health
center
Fix the agreement mistake
centers
show examples
 is that
people
 from poor backgrounds are deprived of treatment because they are not able to pay these fees.
For instance
, a person from China died of cancer as he did not have enough
money
 for his surgery. So, there are many
people
 who die due to
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of access to therapy.
Hence
,
council
Add an article
the council
show examples
 should spend
money
 on it to decline
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 ratio.
On the other hand
, the use of space exploration
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 very few merits.
Firstly
, it can be used for the country security in the latter stage but very few of them get a and full of experience.
Secondly
, most of the public are not
awer
Correct your spelling
aware
 of what developments are going
in
Change preposition
on in
show examples
this
 area.
This
 in a way loses the interest of the
people
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
this
 field. In conclusion, funding
on
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education
 and medical facilities should be kept
first
 because many
people
 are still missing it.
Submitted by patelpayal8296 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • space exploration
  • justified expenditure
  • technological advances
  • earthly concerns
  • telecommunications
  • environmental conservation
  • inspire innovation
  • diplomatic relationships
  • peaceful cooperation
  • long-term survival
  • colonization
  • commercial ventures
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