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Writing Samples
Band 7

These days, open space design is popular in schools and workplaces. DO you think this is a positive or negative development?

There are several buildings containing offices and schools with
open-
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space
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 designs. In my opinion,
this
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 is a negative development that can lead to a
lack
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 of
privacy
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, difficulty concentrating, and increased stress levels.  One serious problem that can arise from
open-
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space
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 design is that it can lead to an absence of
privacy
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.
In other words
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, many
employees
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 suffer from a
lack
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 of
privacy
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 because the
space
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 is open, and it is easy for other people to see them and hear their conversations clearly. 
For instance
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, since many
employees
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 prefer not to reveal their salaries, their manager may indirectly reveal others' salaries if they work in an open
space
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.
As a result
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,
employees
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 will feel a
lack
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 of
privacy
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while
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 working in an open
space
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. Another issue is that working in an open
space
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 can be challenging, especially when it comes to concentration. Undoubtedly, in an
open-
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space
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 design, the number of
employees
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 can be higher than in a normal office environment. Because of
this
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,
this
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 place can be noisy, and for those who are working on an important project, it will be difficult for them to focus on it. In certain instances, they may even make mistakes, thereby negatively impacting their productivity.
For instance
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, when someone is working on a company account, they might make mistakes with the calculation
due to
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 the constant noise that can be annoying.
To sum up
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, I once again reaffirm my position that buildings with
open-
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space
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design
Fix the agreement mistake
designs
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 are not perfect because they can cause many problems,
such
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 as
lack
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 of
privacy
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 and difficulty concentrating.
Therefore
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, people should build more buildings with separate rooms.

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task achievement
Consider providing more comprehensive examples to strengthen your arguments. While examples have been given, adding more specific details or scenarios can offer deeper insight and make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. While the essay stays on topic, sometimes the progression of ideas can feel a bit abrupt. Using more linking words and phrases can enhance the flow.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by providing a clear opinion on open-space designs in offices and schools.
task achievement
Each main point is adequately supported with explanations and relevant examples, contributing to the overall clarity of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear opening statement and a summarizing opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression between paragraphs helps the reader follow the argument easily.
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