IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7

These days, open space design is popular in schools and workplaces. DO you think this is a positive or negative development?

#space #design #schools #workplaces #development
There are several buildings containing offices and schools with
open-
space
 designs. In my opinion,
this
 is a negative development that can lead to a
lack
 of
privacy
, difficulty concentrating, and increased stress levels.  One serious problem that can arise from
open-
space
 design is that it can lead to an absence of
privacy
.
In other words
, many
employees
 suffer from a
lack
 of
privacy
 because the
space
 is open, and it is easy for other people to see them and hear their conversations clearly. 
For instance
, since many
employees
 prefer not to reveal their salaries, their manager may indirectly reveal others' salaries if they work in an open
space
.
As a result
,
employees
 will feel a
lack
 of
privacy
while
 working in an open
space
. Another issue is that working in an open
space
 can be challenging, especially when it comes to concentration. Undoubtedly, in an
open-
space
 design, the number of
employees
 can be higher than in a normal office environment. Because of
this
,
this
 place can be noisy, and for those who are working on an important project, it will be difficult for them to focus on it. In certain instances, they may even make mistakes, thereby negatively impacting their productivity.
For instance
, when someone is working on a company account, they might make mistakes with the calculation
due to
 the constant noise that can be annoying.
To sum up
, I once again reaffirm my position that buildings with
open-
space
design
Fix the agreement mistake
designs
show examples
 are not perfect because they can cause many problems,
such
 as
lack
 of
privacy
 and difficulty concentrating.
Therefore
, people should build more buildings with separate rooms.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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task achievement
Consider providing more comprehensive examples to strengthen your arguments. While examples have been given, adding more specific details or scenarios can offer deeper insight and make your points more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next. While the essay stays on topic, sometimes the progression of ideas can feel a bit abrupt. Using more linking words and phrases can enhance the flow.
task achievement
The essay effectively addresses the task by providing a clear opinion on open-space designs in offices and schools.
task achievement
Each main point is adequately supported with explanations and relevant examples, contributing to the overall clarity of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-structured, providing a clear opening statement and a summarizing opinion.
coherence cohesion
The logical progression between paragraphs helps the reader follow the argument easily.

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